me and grace ran back into the house out of breath hoping the sirens would go past which they did.
"You had to have the fucking candy bar?" she yelled at me
"Yes i did!! You know it's my favorite!!" i yelled back sliding down the wall next to door as she stood in front of me.
"If you got caught with that you would've gone to jail no doubt!! Are you insane, you can't just carry that shit around" she continued to yell at me, i looked down and shook my head.
"i would've been fine" i said pushing myself up
"No you wouldn't!! Weed is-" I grabbed her covered her mouth with my left hand and right hand held the back of her head
"Quite down, i don't need Jack knowing, i'll get rid of it." i whispered and she rolled her eyes but nodded. i removed my hands from her mouth and pushed my back against the wall closing my eyes. i wasn't tired just confused, so much had happened in one simple day.
"im going to bed" Grace whispered, i just nodded and grabbed my phone out of my pocket, making the small plastic bag fall to the ground i reached to pick it up and another hand met mine, it wasn't Jack or Johnson, it for sure wasn't Skate, it was Sammy, he took the bag out of my hand and looked at it then back at me.
"Listen Sammy i can expla-" i spoke softly trying to get him to wait but he cut me off.
"Yo, G!! You're gonna wanna see this" his voice boomed through the house and i racked my mind for how the fuck i was gonna get out of this. honestly the only reason i smoked was because of Jack, he stressed me out so much and made me feel worthless so i smoked to put the stress away. I could hear Jacks heavy footsteps running down the steps and just as we made eye contact, I felt guilty and i don't know why, i shouldn't feel guilty for jacks fuck ups but i did. i grabbed the door nob and turned it slowly, Grace gave me a slow nod and i ran to the car and could hear her behind me, i didn't bring the keys but i knew it would be unlocked i jumped into the drivers seat and grace got into the passenger seat. All at once i broke down, my tears flowed like rivers and i leaned onto Grace, and and she smoothed my hair as i balled.
"Hey it's gonna be ok, they'll leave soon enough and you won't have to worry" she whispered while locking the doors from the inside, the guys probably wouldn't know where the keys were so i wasn't worried.
"Grace i woke up and Jack was gone, my twin left one day and blocked my number, i went to talk to my best friend and they were gone too, i didn't know what happened and i was so worried, i thought was my fault i thought i fucked up and they left me then o-one month later i-i saw the-m on tour-r. they wer-were so happy without me. i felt so unneeded, i wanted to kill myself, they never called they left me in this shit town to be confused with why they left and if i'd ever see them again. i swore to myself i'd hate them but i can't bring myself to do it. i feel like i'm going insane and they haven't even been here a day." i sobbed
"it'll be ok, it's not your fault it's theirs" she whispered and i covered my face hearing banging on the window.
"i can't do this grace i really can't" i said i pushed myself up and unlocked the door walking straight past the guys going insane trying to get my attention. Sammy grabbed my wrist, sending pain through my whole body like a fire. i winced, and pulled my hand back, Grace joined my by my side and i barely pulled the sleeve up to show a pal scar and then a newer one.
"Go in the house" i nodded and went towards holding my wrist in my hand, tears still falling, i found some bandages and covered my scars. next that on the counter was the baggy i dropped early everything still inside. i sighed took it out crushed it then rolled it up. i grabbed a lighter and went to my room and to the window climbing onto the top of the house, i could see half the neighborhood from where i was, the lights illuminating the town, i smiled at the cloud of that surrounded me, i heard small fight going on and i realized it was Grace and the guys,
"you left her and she can't take that she's so fragile now, she was so happy and shit then you left her one morning, and she changed, she's happy now but she fell into a state of really bad depression, she's on so many anti depressants still. god i can't even stand you guys, she told me everything. a while ago, and unlike you guys i've been here for the past 3 years helping her everyday. that's my best friend, i don't know if you guys can say the same" Grace took a deep breath and i couldn't help the same laugh the escaped my mouth which drew they're attention to me. now if anyone in their right mind drove by right now, they would call the cops, a girl standing on a roof of her house smoking, while her friend fights with her ex best friends and current brother. this thought made me break out into a fit of laughter.
"Grace, image if someone drove by right now, they'd be like 'what the fuck'" i snorted shaking my head taking a deep inhale of the drug i had in my hands. i smiled looking down, then my smile got washed away.
"Grace, i uhm have to go to school tomorrow." i spoke down to her.
"Hol-" Jack started
"Shut the fuck up" Grace said i laughed and jumped for the roof to the little balcony railing then dropped myself down easily.
"listen, i'm tired. as fuck. i'm tired of fighting, im tired of you assholes trying to talk to me. so let's set this start. i'm done. Grace, is best if you just go home for the week, i'll be fine and i'll text you about school and shit, alright? love you" i said giving her a hug
"you call me if anything happens" she whispered i nodded and she got into her car and drove off. i bit my cheek as i looked back at the guys who were already looking at me. i sighed taking on last hit before dropping it to the ground and crushing it, a waste, i know. i looked at the guys again,
"to be quite honest i don't have shit to say to you guys. you made me feel like crap, i woke up one morning and all of you were gone, not to be heard from for three years, i thought it was my fault, i thought i wasn't good enough so you left. all of you. i was so stressed and i got bullied until i got expelled from that hell hole. i sat in my room in the dark for 3 months, grace would come over everyday and try to make me eat, but i couldn't. i-i lost so much weight. i spent two weeks in the hospital trying to regain the weight that i'd lost and grace, she was always there. while you guys pursued your dreams that we would talk about until 4 in the morning. i knew from the day you guys left and blocked me out completely, i-i knew i lost my best friend, and my brother." i spoke softly, thinking over every word before speaking, a few tears spilled but i didn't let anymore than 20
"But in the time you guys were gone, i went through a lot, my parents hate me now, i have to move out by next year. it's whatever though i'm fine, i'm not going through anything. if i was the only person who would know would be grace. i-i did so much i regret, with so many people i regret. fuck i'm so messed up. but i'm fine, everything is, fine" i ranted, i looked up from the ground, to see Skate covering his eyes lightly stomping his foot and sammy looking down with hand over his mouth Johnson had his back to me but i knew his hands were covering his face, I finally met eyes with Jack.
"You left me. Your own fucking sister. Your twin!! Without a single word. Your the fucking reason i don't sleep at night and i have horrible trust issues!! all my future relationships, friendships, are so fucked. God, Our parents hate me because i can't give them a reason why you left. They forgave you so easy. i'm not like them, im not gonna open my arms and ask how LA was and how the music shit is going." i yelled going weaker with every sentence
"i- i'm so sorry" he whispered, his eyes filled with tears. i sighed and shook my head,
"that word means nothing to me anymore" i snapped turning on my heel rushing towards the house slamming the door shut behind me.
