Afterwards by Tris Prior

To be perfectly honest, I miss Tobias. I am starting to forget him, and that scares me. I still capture his dark hair that he stole from his mother. I remember catching his dark blue gaze and how his eyes were too bright for Abnegation. I feel his skin on my fingertips sometimes, always touching his tattoos. The symbols that once inspired him, but only tear him down since I've left. I taste the warm air as we stood on the Ferris wheel, and my heart pounds. I hear knives puncturing targets next to me, and hot blood drips from a grazed ear. Warm, familiar arms wrap around my waist and warm, yet comfortable breaths cascade around my neck. I tell myself , memories, nothing more. You will see him soon.

My mom told me not to worry for him, because he lives in his own world and we live in ours, but when I first left him, he looked so sad. I wanted to cry when he stared at Cara in disbelief, sure I survived, as if there were no other endings. I yearned to force the chair against the wall as I watched him shave the disheveled hair from his skull. He impulses me too much. I need to let go. Leaving him was my choice.

I hope Tobias knows that he can always confide in others, because I won't be able to tend to his wounds anymore. I wonder if he ever sees me in his fears. I only watch him trashing on the floor in puddles of tears and sweat, since I can't save him from his nightmares now that I'm gone. His face twists in unrecognizable features, his teeth clench and his eyes shut so tightly he might as well sew them shut. He must fear me, yes. He is David and I am the girl he shoots. Same as always, this time contorted. Maybe he developed more fears after I left. Maybe he isn't Four and I am not Six.

I know he fears Uriah and Zeke as well. He worries about his responsibilities too much. Uriah is here, too. He greeted me after my father and mother. His soul left the world before his mind and his mind before his body. He arrived before they pulled his plug, shortly before I came. We both watched as what was left of him vanished, with his mother and his brother by opposite sides of his cold body. Uriah is so kind to me. I wish I met him sooner, so we could know each other back then, in real time. I guess it doesn't matter, because our souls are just as exposed as our faces and I know him better than I ever could have with a person on Earth.

I hope Tobias knows he is forgiven. By Uriah, by Zeke, and especially by me. He holds too many grudges on himself that he needs to let go. And maybe, if he finally lets go, I let go, too.