Why Not Me?

Chapter 3 Both POV

Cas loaded his bags into the back of the Impala. He planned on just buying a single outfit, but Dean had convinced him that he might as well get a couple, even encouraging him to try other options, such as Dad Sweaters. Cas had no idea what fatherhood had to do with knit garments, but the sweater Dean suggested was soft and cozy. Not that he ever felt cold, but it seemed logical to dress appropriately for the season.

The drive back to the bunker was strange. Dean had been quiet and distant since they walked in the store. It wasn't the same silent treatment he would get when Dean was mad at him. This seemed like a contemplative silence as if he were making a plan. Cas considered that he might have had a breakthrough on their latest troubles.

By the time they reached the bunker, he couldn't wait to get out of the car. Dean hadn't turned the music on, and the tension weighed heavy on him, not unlike the moment they arrived at the store. He wanted to ask Dean what was troubling him, but Cas knew he would just deflect. Dean would talk when he was ready, and knew Cas would be there to listen when he was. So much between them went unsaid, yet they often knew to anticipate each other. They had a way of silent communication. Dean was very expressive with his body language, and anyone who spendt any time with him at all could read him.

He spent the rest of the afternoon avoiding Dean. Giving him the space he needed. Organizing his clothes and put them away, Cas decided to wear the first outfit he tried on. It felt like wishful thinking, but Cas was certain he had seen Dean admiring his ass when he was checking the fit. Cas knew he was considered attractive, though h never knew what to do with that information. So he tried to pick clothes that he saw other men wearing. Dean often made comments about his jeans making his ass look good, so Cas assumed that was what he was looking for in a pair of jeans.

Cas had spent the day wondering if Dean was going out with them. Given his mood, it seemed like he could go either way. Dean often liked to go to the bar when he was grumpy, but he also liked to stay in his room and brood. He was going to see Arnie, so Cas didn't know why he was so concerned with Dean's attendance.

By the time he walked into the kitchen, both Sam and Dean were dressed in their nicer clothes. "Alright, Cas is here. Let's go get drunk." Dean clapped his hands together, rubbing them up and down. Cas had to laugh at himself for his worry, though he still didn't understand his desire to have Dean there. He had every intention of going back home with Arnie, so it wasn't like he needed a ride home. He would probably spend most of his night with his new friend as well. So wanting Dean there made no sense. It wasn't like Dean would be jealous, even though Cas wanted him to be —wanted him to see Cas kissing another man and wish it were him instead. But that was nothing more than a fantasy. Dean didn't appear to like men, and even if he did, it wasn't like he would be interested in Cas.

They piled into the Impala for the half hour drive. Cas was sitting behind Dean, talking to Sam about the latest podcast they'd been listening to. When he looked up, he caught Dean's eye in the mirror, noticing his smile. It was small and soft, but there nonetheless.

"What?" Cas asked, squinting at Dean as he tilted his head to the side.

Dean slightly shook his head. "Nothing. It's just I always forget how much you two have in common when we aren't fending for our lives. Like maybe if we lived normal lives you'd still be friends."

Cas was puzzled, thinking it was a strangely open statement for Dean to make. He tried never to show the side of himself that wanted a different life. It made sense—there was no use in hoping for a different life—but it was still sweet to hear. That even if they were not hunters, and didn't have to fight biblical wars together, that he still wanted Cas in his life. "And what about you and me? Would we still be friends?"