Whatever

Why

When I cry you ask what's wrong, I say you won't understand. You continue to ask, I tell you. And you blame me. Blame me.
Blame me.
BLAME ME.
Go ahead.
I don't care any more, why on earth should I. From now on until I leave your house, I hope that you are ok with silence. Because if I can't be who I am in this house why should I pretend to be someone else. I will be an empty shell for 2 years. It's better this way right? "I was hoping you would be happy after we did this." "I thought you would be grateful after we did all this for you." "Why are you always crying?" "What's wrong with you?" You say you want a relationship with me. It feels like some big ass lie. I want to experiment with life and who I am. I don't feel free enough to do so. I can't even tell you to your face that I might like girls. WELL I CANT INSTEAD I A WRITE ANGRY SHIT ON MY PHONE FOR COMPLETE STRANGERS TO READ. I AM SCREAMING AND NO ONE CAN HEAR! I FEEL LIKE A M FALLING BUT THERE IS NOBODY TO HEAR ME. Every time I tell you something you're either really calm or really freaked out. I don't know how you will react at all. I can't have emotion, I can't cry. I just can't anything. I want to end it. But I am so useless I can't even do that. I can't I can't I can't,