PROBLEMS (Niall Horan Fan-Fiction AU)

One

4 years, 9 months and 11 days. It has been 4 years, 9 months and 11 days since I last saw him. That was the hardest day of my life. Have you ever loved somebody so much that you would demolish your own happiness just so they could achieve theirs? I have. You never get over the pain, maybe you do, I’m not sure, I’ll tell you how long it takes if you do get over it. So far it has been 4 years, 9 months and 11 days of pure agony. When I let him go, I didn’t think that would be the last time I would ever see him. I thought he would come back and visit me. I was wrong. I guess it was for the best. We brought out the worst in each other. I hated him, but at the same time I needed him to keep sane. I needed him to keep me insane.

I lay back on my bed and looked up to the ceiling. Empty; plain and lifeless. That is what my ceiling looked liked. That is what I felt like. It would be easier to get over this loss if I didn’t have to see his face everywhere. He was on television, in magazines, on MTV News even in my friends’ bedrooms. There was no escape from Niall Horan and that is exactly what he wanted.  He wanted me to over analyse everything I will ever come into contact with for his own personal amusement. He’s probably with his friends, laughing, having fun, living. Living is something I haven’t done since the day he left. I needed him to live. I needed him to throw me in situations that were either life or death. I needed him to show me what it would be like to take my last breath. I just needed him, but at the same time I want him nowhere near me.

My phone flashed removing me from the conversation I was having for the third time today. I slid my hand under my pillow and grabbed the cold object. It was a text. A text from one of the only people I can actually converse with. It was from Tyler.

Have you heard the news?       

I can honestly say I haven’t. I know he’s talking about Niall news and I’m not up for listening to it right now. I’m not up to knowing what my best friend and worst enemy is up to. Not now, not ever. A sigh escaped my lips as I threw my phone under my bed before sitting up straight. My warm feet stroked the soft, fluffy black carpet that sat beneath it. I ran my fingers through my hair, giving it a slight tug before walking to the bathroom. I had a hot shower.  Ever since Niall left I’ve been having extremely hot showers so I can feel the water. No point in living if you can’t feel it. Niall would say that to me every day.  The water burned me slightly but I loved it. I gave my dark brown hair a quick wash before exiting the bathroom to get changed. I threw on some normal underwear and a black tank top which had a white circle on it with two ‘X’ for eyes, denim shorts with black and white tights underneath. I quickly towel dried my hair allowing the curls to flow freely around my shoulders before going downstairs. 1…3…5…7...9… 11. There are 11 steps between the first floor and ground floor. I gave a small nod to myself before walking into the kitchen. The kitchen is one of the brightest rooms in my home. It has a bright blue coat of paint on the walls and a modern clock that doesn’t have numbers. The oak coloured blinds are fully open allowing the sunlight to spill into the room. It’s a lovely room. A lovely room I hate. I made myself some toast with butter and jam on top. I poured some orange juice in my favourite glass before shuffling off into the living room to join my mother who was watching some kind of gossip program.

“Good Morning! Have you heard the news?” my mother chimed, glancing at me ever so quickly before turning back to her program, hoping she hasn’t missed anything important. I swallowed the piece of toast that I was currently chewing on before answering her.

“What is it about?” I asked already knowing the answer.

“Niall Horan. Do you remember him?”

Yes. “No.” I lied.

“You two were the best of friends. Well when you wanted to be that is. It’s only been a few years, how could you forget him?” You could hear the slight annoyance in her tone. I wasn’t able to tell if it was because I lied about not remembering Niall or because of some celebrity gossip she was listening to. “Anyways, the big news is-”