Inking vacuum

Penned thought #3-I miss me

I feel so lost in the maze of life,

Forget who I am,or why I thrive,

Tried what not-hide and show,

Some days I die,some days I grow.

I miss me,I miss who I used to be,

The mere figure of the past is no more in scope of definition,

I cannot make out between what's real and what's not,

I get attacked every time I step out of the blanket of vision.

Every time I try hard,I end up getting judged and hurt,

Every time I don't make an effort,I end up stumbling and losing myself,

A whirlwind of emotions,threaten to erupt inside of me,

I wish even for me like in fairy tales,there was a fairygodmother or an elf.

People visit hospitals on birth and graveyards on death,

The limelight of glamour shines on masked retards,

But I wish to be a consolidated role model,a person to be remembered,

Till and after the time I perishon embers.

I can see it-where I want to be,

and I know the path I must take,

But every time I dare to take a step,

A land mine goes off-putting the life's of my originality on stake.

I miss me,I miss who I used to  be,

I have had more tearful nights than organised days,

I get baffled by the many sides of me,

How I wish my own shadow won't shield the sun's rays.

I don't know how fast it is passing-time,

Every second costs me a dime,

Yet some days I spend it like I  am it's master,

Then I regret,hate myself and in virtually  wither.

I feel like I am hanging mid air,along with everyone else,

While I want to be above,clear and for a good reason,

My virtual world into reality melts,

My fears in my goal dwell.

I want tô hide-hide from humanity

And enter my own space,where I can create my own race,

I want to surround myself with silence to fit in progress,

Even though it is a mechanical,impossible process.

I am forced to chose sides,to make a difficult choice,

I want to find my own voice,

I have to chose between who I am and who I used to be,

But the strength to endure the path-it is not in me.

I miss me

But I don't know what "me" is,

I know where I want to be

But I am afraid of crossing the distance to reach it.