soeul (ᴊ'ᴡᴡ) ×

62

[Narration]

She was standing there, beside his grave. She couldn't utter a word from her mouth for she still remembers. Everything. His death was unforgettable. She couldn't forgive herself for she knows, she's one of the reasons why he died. It should have been her but because of him, she lived. She believed that what Jennie said to her is true. It was always on her. It was never on Jennie.

   "Noona... tara na. Paalis na sina Jennie noona."

   "Dito na muna ako, Hansol. Commute na lang ako mamaya."

   "Sige, noona. Sabay na ako sa kanila hah? May gagawin pa kasi kaming group project eh."

She just nodded to him and then he left, following their cousins to the van. She didn't look to their direction. She just heard the engine of the car getting started and getting ready to go.

The sound of the car slowly disappeared. The silence comforted her. And as it comforted her, she couldn't stop herself from remembering the memories they had. Those times were the only thing that's left to her. It can be her comfort zone and at the same time.. it's also a triggering memory that can make her feel deep loneliness.

He was her boy. He was her second father. He was her first knight in shining armor. Well, it may not be as shining as the stars she sees every night. He was also one of the reasons why she cries.

Probably, because they were teasing each other. She was always the crybaby and he was always the winner. He was her best friend. He was once her everything. But now he was 7 feet under her. Literally.

She squated herself beside the grave. She touched it as if cleaning the dirt stucked on it. Those grass over-growing it, she pulled it one by one.

   "How was it under me? Huh?" She jokingly said, laughing it off. "Must be really frustrating down there.." She lowered her head down a little bit more, not exposing the tears that are rolling down her cheeks. "I know I shouldn't say this but.. I know it should be me who's seven-feet under. It should have been me.. Two years. Haha!" It may have been look weird because of how ironic she looks. People won't figure out if she's laughing or crying right now. But she won't care. Because she feels happy and sad at the same time. Just like what she felt when he died 2 years ago.

   "Sana kasi hindi mo na lang ako sinagip noon eh. It should've been me, right? Para naman napabilis yung pagsasama namin ni Papa sa langit. Ang daya daya mo! Ngayon tuloy kasama mo na siya, Kuya."

   "But I hope nabawasan na yung hirap mo dyan. Wag mo na kaming isipin dito. We're fine, really... I'm with Hansol and I'm fine, seriously. Hahaha~ okay lang na naagawan niya ulit ako. Sa bagay ganun naman talaga siguro ang role ko dito sa story ni awtor. Ang palaging maagawan ng mahal ng pinsan niya.

Noong una, ayos lang kasi atensyon mo lang naman ang inagaw niya sa akin. I don't really know kung bakit naging kayo. Hahahaha~ baliw ka talaga, Kuya! Dapat kasi nagbackground check ka muna doon kay Jennie. Inuna mo kasi yang kalandutayan mo. Haha~ ayan tuloy *sniffs* nasaktan ka! *sniffs* Alam mo ba, sila na nung gusto ko. Ang saya noh? Ngayon na nga lang ako lumandi, inagaw pa ng pro sa akin. Minsan nga magpapa-turo ako sa kanya lumandi. Pero hindi nga pala kami bati kaya wag na lang."

She giggled as if her brother was just beside her, looking at her. She felt the wind coming to her as if it was hugging her. She just closed her eyes letting the tears fall and letting her skin feel the wind. She froze when she felt something soft touching her cheeks.

She slowly opened her eyes and she was shocked to see him here. She never told anyone about her brother. Even her friends. She doesn't want them to know it anyway. For it will only shed her tears and make her feel hopeless.

But seeing him here, she felt more safe than hopeless.

After wiping her tears, he just looked at her. She stared at him back. And then it turned into a glare. He just smirked it off and stared off her. He just sat there beside her, silent. Her soft sniffs filling their silence.

After a minute or so, she broke the deafening silence.

   "Uhmm.. how did--"

   "Your cousin, Hansol. He told me about it."

She just sighed. What can she expect about her cousin? He only do secrets with people who give him the best prize.

She bets he gave him big bucks just to know about it. Her cousin always says that he only have a few dollars to start with.

   "I heard about him before. He was a varsity in our school, right?" She nodded in response. "He's so good at being a captain and also a president. Finn said he would stay late in the school just to finish his report."

   "He's so good at everything.. even leaving everyone behind." She laughed at her own joke. "He's really good at everything."

   "Yeah.. even saving my love on that same day."
She just looked at him while he was looking on the horizon.

The sun was just about rise. They went early just like the last year.

He sensed her looking at him and so he stared at her. His eyes were piercing through her. She couldn't stare off. His eyes were so inviting and she wanted to stare at it the whole time.

She saw him grin and so she removed her look. It was kind of embarrasing to her. But she didn't care, I think.

She cleared her throat and stood up. He just looked up, following her every move.

   "Aren't you gonna get out of here?"

   "Not until you introduce me to my BIN."

Her brows furrowed. "Tangnu. Anong BIN?"

He laughed and stood up. "Brother-in-law."

She suddenly felt hot on her face and she felt like all her blood went up to her cheeks. She just looked away and started walking. "Yoko nga! Manigas ka dyan!"

   "Anae naman! Kanina pa kaya matigas yung ano ko!" He shouted back, making her stop and glare at him.

   "Bastos! Manyak! Byuntae! Yucks!"

She just continued walking away with her brows still furrowed. She couldn't explain how hot she feels because of the lines Kairo said to her. She feels like she became a byuntae like him.

She gasped when someone grabbed her waist and hugged her from behind. She was about to look who did it but its head landed on her shoulder and so she stopped from her action.

They were so freaking close! She feels like her chest is about to blow up. Her stomach also feels weird.

Then she remembered. She didn't had enough breakfast earlier. Maybe, that's the reason. Maybe..

   "A minute is all I need, Eurie. Please." She couldn't do anything but to nod. She's too nervous that she couldn't find her voice. Or is it just nervousness?

"I-i wanted to tell you s-something." She felt his breath on her nape. She knew she had goosebumps but she didn't mind. Because in some ways, it made her feel comfortable. "But I want you to hear my explaination until the e-end. Give this to me as a birthday gift. Please?" And again. She nodded.

She heard his deep breathing and what he said next.. left her more breathless.
   "Jennie Kim's my ex."

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