Hell

Trip to heaven

        "Are you sure about this trip?" Azazel asks. "We are at peace with the angels." I say and get back to making sure we do not take anything to upset them. "Why do you even care if you offend them?" Azazel asks. "Mostly because there are how many of us vs thousands upon thousands of them." I say and toss out another knife from Lucifer's bag. "Also where the hell did Lucifer get all those knives?" Azazel asks. I look over my shoulder at the three foot pile of just knives from his bag. "I have no idea and I don't have the time to look alone." I say. "I'll help you." Azazel says and goes through the other bags. After six hours and over 7,000 knives are thrown out of Lucifer's pack Ashley comes down with one last pack. "Wow... They had a lot of knives in those packs." She says. "THEY? That's just one pack full of knives!" Azazel says huffing from looking at everyone else's pack filled with nothing, but clothes. "Who stuffed a seven foot high pack of knives?!?" She says. "Lucifer." Azazel says and takes the bag from her and goes through it. Six more hours pass until we were all gathered by the courtyard. "You guys ready?" I ask. "All set." Tod, who was elected one of the four groups leader, answered. "Good over here." Lili said. "We are good." Kevin says. "Then let's go." I say and teleport us to the island where the 11 archangels and God were waiting. "Why the fuck are they here? We are suppose to be going to Heaven!" Michael says and grabs his sword hilt, but keeps it in its sheath. "God hired us to help you, lover boy. Now if you'll excuse us we have to tie Lucifer up, bind him in chains, lock him in a safe, dip that safe in molten lead followed by gold and bury him in this island to make sure he does not kill an angel." I say and Azazel and Malph get to work. "I thought you were gonna bring him." Aamon says. "That was before I spent the last six hours taking over 7,000 knives out of his pack." I respond. "Seven... How the hell did he?" Malph says as he throws him in a safe. "Nevermind that just finish with that, we have to reunite the angels it seems." I say and Michael growls, but stands where he is. "We have not seen Selaphiel anywhere so I assume she is already in Heaven." Michael says. "I would not say she was." God responds. "What? Then where is she?" Michael asks. "She is in a place she does not wish to leave." God responds and I breath a small breath of relief. "We cannot go! She has to be there if we hope to succeed!" Michael says. "That is why I personally hired them." God says and nods to us. "Them! They will be ripped apart!" Michael says and walks over to jab me in the chest. "I would trust this one least of all! He has swords that killed thousands of angels!" "Is this true?" God asks and I nod. "Draco was a demon general that followed no lord. He went around and trapped a soul of a dragon in one sword that was then nicknamed 'Soultaker' and slaughtered 10 thousand demons with it to reawaken the dragon's soul." I say and summon Soultaker. "He had another sword that was named 'Deathbringer' which had been enchanted by all seven lords of Hell to be able to trap the souls of the ones he killed. He slaughtered another 10 thousand demons, but then the war began and Lucifer recruited him as his general. He proceeded to kill a thousand angels and try to rescue me from Tartarus. He never returned, but his soul made a ring that was given to me and lets me use his swords." I say and summon Deathbringer to have the other angels reach for their weapons. "I would appreciate if those weapons would not be brought into Heaven." God says. "They will remain in my ring if all goes to plan, but I will not leave Draco's soul in a place where a average robber might steal him." I respond as Azazel digs a hole to store Lucifer. "I understand, but try to keep Deathbringer in there at least." God says as I return the swords into the ring. "I will keep Deathbringer in there." I say as Azazel and Malph finish covering the hole. "We all set for a trip?" God asks and I nod. "I would really like Selaphiel with us, but yes we are ready." Michael says. A golden light flashes before our eyes and we are standing before a half golden gate and a half white gate. "Dear lord... They literally split heaven." I say. "Yup and it seems the guards are approaching us. Say nothing at all!" Michael whisper yells and stands in front of the group. "Michael buddy!" Says one of the guards wearing white. "Would you kindly tell this western freak that the east angles are dominant to those uncultured barbarians!" "No, Michael! Tell those eastern fools that the western angels are better in every aspect, but stupid!" Says the guard in gold. Michael facepalms and says, "Why the hell are you two arguing?" "Well if we were in Hell then we would gladly kill demons, but unfortunately these western fools will do." Says one of the white guards. "We would kill you before you take a single step!" Yells one of the golden angels. "Wait..." Says one of the gold guards as he looks at me. "He has a demon's aura around him... They all do!" He draws his sword and teleports to have his blade to my neck. "Michael what are they doing here?!?" I look at him and he sighs. "Fine explain to them." He states. "We are here because there is suppose to be peace between us and because you fools upset more of the balance of Heaven's forces making God come down to my house to have tea and hire us to get you fools to stop bickering." I say. "Only a fool would have peace with a filthy demon!" One of the gold clad angels yelled. "Is he not the one that spoke to God months ago?" One of the white angels says. "No that demon was struck down by God!" The gold angels says. "Peace, my children." God finally says. The east angels fall to their knees, but the gold ones put their hands on their swords. "What are you doing here! You should be smiting the eastern fools who think that we would have peace with demons!" The gold clad angel at my neck says. "Warmongers!" The white angels yell. "Peace loving freaks!" The gold clad angels yell. I look at God. "I think a white toga like the greek gods have might suit you better than that. Allows more movement." God flashes for a moment and is then wearing a shining white toga. "See? More free movement of the joints." I say. "Shut up you hell bent freak!" Shouts the angel with the sword to my neck. "Peace." God says. He looks at me and the angel. "Put that sword away. There is peace between our races." I see the knuckles turn white around the hilt of the sword. "Did you not hear God? He said put it away." Hissed the other angels, golden and white robed. I see blood drip from the hilt of the sword. "I would rather die than have peace!" Yelled the golden robed angel as he sliced at my neck, decapitating me. "Really how do you suppose you can kill death?" I say as a shadow darts from my stumped neck and reattaches my head to my neck. I turn to the angel that had the sword to my neck and notice something. "He has two robes on, one is golden and fake." I say and he throws the robe off to show a red one underneath. "Worthless, pathetic demon!" He yells and charges at me again. I step out of his way and he falls into the hands of the archangels. "Why did you not fight him?" Michael asks. "I have a job to find the core of this dumb dispute and I did. I saw a chance to also avoid bloodshed so I took it." I respond. "Thank you for avoiding shedding angel's blood." God says. "I can't promise it will happen every time." I respond. "As long as you try." God responds. "Anyway, Tod your with my group as well. Lili and Kevin your two groups look around on the east side. We will handle the west. Avoid as much bloodshed as you can." I say and they nod and follow the white guards that were now gonna lead them. "Why did you choose my side you pathetic demon? You could of lived if you went to the east side. Now you will-" He is cut off by me knocking him out. I look at the golden guards. "Any chance that there is a pub or tavern around here?" I ask. "Yes..." One of them answers. "Lead me to it please. The others will follow the remaining angles and explore the west city." I say and begin to walk forward to see Silver trying to follow. "Ah well, learned from experience. Ken. Ashley. You're with me. Matt if you like you and Kalista can follow as well." I say and follow the angel. After a few minutes we arrive at a pub. "Ok. We have to split up so our demon aura is not as noticeable." I say. Just don't sit next to each other." I say and walk in. I sit by the angel while the others split up. After ordering drinks we chat for a couple of minutes. "So how did you become a demon?" He asks. "That is a story too long to tell seeing we have company." I say. "What the hell are you doing in here!" Says one of the golden angels that just walked through the door. "You should leave." Says the angel I was sitting with just before he turns to the angels that walked through the door. "I was enjoying a nice drink before you came in here." I said. "Come on, we have more of the city to show you." Says the angel. "Yeah, you better run after what you did!" Says one of the angels that came in. I sigh and put down my half empty glass of Guinness. "Look I don't know what this gentleman did and I've had a very tiring day so I would appreciate it if you could leave us alone until I finish my glass and he shows us the rest of the city." I say. The angels look shocked and are stunned before one says, "Are you drunk speaking to your superiors like that?" I sigh and stand up. "Excuse me." I say and walk past the angels to the door. "Yeah you better leave. You don't deserve the attention of the girl in the corner!" Says one of the angels. I stop in front of the door which has three locks. "Manners." I say as I close the first lock. "Maketh." I say as I close the second lock. "Gentlemen." I say as I close the last lock. "Do you know what that phrase means?" I ask without turning around." "You're drunk if you think you can speak to me like that!" Yells the angel again. I turn around and smile. "It means dumbasses should learn manners." I say. The lead angel walks forward and picks me up by the collar of my shirt. "You are the most obnoxious rookie I have ever met! Time for you to learn respect!" He says and tries to punch me. I teleport behind him right before the blow hits. "You should learn not to wear a fake robe on top of your true red one." I say and rip the golden robe off showing the red one. "Who the hell do you think you are!" Yells the exposed angel. "The demon that's about to kick you into your friends who are also wearing fake gold robes." I say and kick him into his four other colleagues ripping off their fake gold robes. "You wish you were a demon! Then you would have a chance against us!" Yell the angels as they stand up. I sigh and grab a nearby glass and take a moment and look at the drink inside. "Angels like you are not pure... Oh well." I say and flick the cup to smack one of the red robes in the forehead and knock him back twenty feet. I saw that the angel who was showing us around looked shocked. "You're dead now!" Yelled the angels. "If I was not dead how would I be up here? Anyway if you are gonna kill me again would you tell me why your robes are red?" I ask. "We are angels of a higher stature than the warmongers and peace lovers. We are the red stained blade of the lord! We will slaughter any demon and burn it on a stake!" Chanted the angels. "Fascinating and one last request, who is your leader?" I ask. "We follow the red stained blade. He led us and ordered us to start this war and now I'm sure he would order us to kill you." The angels say as they charge. "Shame no one ever pays attention these days. Tod if you kindly would." I say and he fires four knockout darts into their necks. "Thank you." "Was that supposed to work? The red blade enchanted us to be extra resistant to sleep! Time for both of you to perish in his glorious might!" Said the angels. I stand next to Tod and wait for the angels. When they are near us we put one arm around each other's shoulder and start doing a Russian dance that involves kicking at groin height. After two minutes pass we stop the dance and let the knocked out angels fall to the floor. "We." Tod says panting. "Are... Never doing... That again." "I quite like that dance." I say. "Well fuck you too." Tod says. "You insult me." I say with a chuckle and walk to finish my pint of Guinness. When we all finished our drinks we followed the angel again.