What if...

Chapter 4- No going back

"Listen kids...you might wanna sit down for this." Gruncle Stan says sounding exhausted.
"I think we all might." Gruncle Ford walks over all bur graciously flops on to the couch with a deep pain-filled sigh. Taking Mabel's hand in my own I drag her to the arm chair and force her to sit down with me.
"Gruncle Stan...you're scaring me..." Mabel whispers.
"Mabel...darling...this is going to be hard." Stan starts to explain. Ford nods at him and after a deep breath he continues. "Your parents...they were going out on Thursday...to pick up your brothers present -your present dipper- when they.....got hit by a drunk driver.....they were taken into hospital but...." He trails over.
"No..." This can't be happening. This is not happening! "No no no!"
"Dipper please we know this is hard but you need to stay calm." Ford said gently. "This isn't happening. They're okay...Yeah they're ok it was just a mistake and any minute now you're gonna get a call and-"
"Dipper." Ford cuts me kneeling in front of me. When did he get so close. "Dipper please..." No. I close my eyes this just a dream...t-this is just Bill messing with me.
Just a dream....
"Dipper you need calm down and slow your breathing."
Not real.
"Dipper kid please you gotta calm down, you're shaking."
"Mabel sweetie can you help us calm down your brother?"
One of Bill's tricks.
"..."
"Stanley I can't get him to calm down he's hyperventilating."
"I don't know what to do Ford?!"
Not real.
Not real.
Not...real.
Not...
....

I can't breathe....why can't I breathe? Am I underwater? Why can't I open my eyes? I...Can't breathe. Oh God I can't breathe! Why can't I breathe?! Why-
"Pine Tree!"
Who are you? Can it help me breathe?!
"Pine Tree I need you to listen to me...I need you to focus on my voice."
Focus on their voice? But I need to focus on breathing!
"No you gotta focus on voice okay? It's the only way you can breathe."
Oh....okay.
"Good, now I need you to take deep breaths just like me okay? I'll count with you and help you."
Help. Help seems nice.
"Good, now count with me: 1 in."
1.
"2 hold"
2
"3 out"
3
It still hurts!
"We're going to repeat that now: 1....2....3"
1....2....3
"1....2....3"
1....2....3
After what seems like hours I can finally breathe again. I keep taking deep breathes and the voice keeps talking. I slowly start to crack my eyes open. In front of me is...a...Square? My eyes and cheeks feel wet and I realise I'm crying but that is given. "W-who are you?" I croak out. God my voice is hoarse.
"I'm Tad. Tad Strange." He holds out a hand for me to shake but I weakly slap it away.
"I'm not g-gonna fall for t-tricks demon." I spit.
"Oh don't worry I'm not like-" He starts before he's cut of by an angry shout.
"TAD!" We turn to see Bill red as ever glaring at Tad.
"Bill." Tad says blandly. Bill teleports in front of him still glaring. "What are you doing here? I thought I said...." Bill stops noticing me for the first time. "Pine Tree W-what...." He sounds concerned but I brush it off and glare at him. Bill's attentions naps back to Tad as his form grows in size.
"What!" Bill shouts. "Did you do to him?!" He's practically snarling. Seeing him this angry from this close reminds me if the time when he chased me and Mabel in his castle, the memory sends a shiver down my spine.
"I didn't do anything I swear." This Tad guy seems slightly wary however not terrified so I count that as a win for him.
"He helped me." My voice is still annoyingly raspy.
"Helped you?" Bill is clearly confused and to be honest so am I. Why the hell am I defending him in the first place? But I nod and continue.
"I w-was having a panic a-attack." I say quietly. Bill shrinks back to his normal size and peers at me inquisitivly.
"What happened?" He asked softly. His concern surprises and angers me. How dare he act like he cares!
"Why the hell would you care." I snap bitterly. Bill, clearly offended by this, glares mercilessly at me.
"Oh I'm sorry! Let me just turn the sick emotionless fucker back on!" Bill cried before starting lauging manically.
"Ha! Enjoy your suffering kid you don't deserve it but I find your pain especially hilarious!" The insanity didn't quite reach his eyes but the fury did. He glared at Tad and I once again before he disappeared; teleported no doubt.
"That was rude you know..." Tad speaks up after some time.
"Like he didn't deserve it, he tried destroy my world, kill my friends and family and has now decided to take up residency in my head." I chuckled dryly.
"He has feelings you know, he cares about you." Tad sighed sadly taking a seat next to me.
"You could've fooled me." I mumbled. "So what are you doing in my mindscape?" I ask.
"Got bored. Visited Bill." Oh.
"How am I here? I thought you had to be asleep to enter this place."
"You are. You fell unconscious." He says matter-of-factly. Makes sense.
"You should apologise Pine Tree." Tad suggests. I just shrug.
"I don't really feel like it." I lay back and look up at the grey sky.
"Why is this place grey?" Thinking out loud more than asking.
"Dunno, it's easier for a human to process us and our powers and such when they're seeing us in black and white instead of colour once they're asleep." Tad explains.
"Cool." Not really bothering to keep the conversation going. Right now all I want to is forget about everything. Bill, Tad, the panic attack; what my Gruncles told us, everything. Tad remains silent, which is something I am thankful for, as let the weight over everything that just happened sink in.
I had a panic attack.
Bill Cipher has feelings.
My parents are dead.
It's all my fault...

A/N: A bit of angst in there you lot. Sorry if it's a bit crappy I'm am ridiculously tired and so I can't be bothered to check it right now. I hope you enjoyed. (I'm sorry it's late...again)

~ST99

PS. Marvel Avengers: Infinity War was freaking amazing!!!!!!! It was so great and so so heartbreaking.