last resort | ryden

10

it was the cold that woke him. the absence of sudden heat which source he hated yet loved.
hated? he didn't hate adam, no adam was his boyfriend, he loved him.
he loved him.
adam was coming to the concert tonight, which would be fine. of course it would be fine.
the pillows were still slightly warm, cooling fast, and the buzzing of my phone jolted me from my sleepy haze.
brendon.
i still had his number, somehow. my hands were shaking so much it took me three tries to answer.
"hey ryan," brendon spoke first, tone tired yet energetic. it made me smile.
"hey brendon, what's up?"
"well i was wondering if you'd like to come round to learn the chords? i know you're a fast learner, and there's only eight songs tonight. is- is your boyfriend in?" he asked the last line hesitantly, cautiously.

"uh sure," i surprised myself by saying. "sure, let me just get ready, i'll be around in about an hour."

"i'll be waiting."

"and no. he's not."
i ended the call, heart thumping. shower. a shower would be good. i moved almost robotically, turning the heat up way too high, but it was good. my thoughts drifted to brendon. what made him come to me, of all people?
i shook my head, grabbed some clothes and before i could change my mind, headed over to brendon's temporary apartment.

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••
brendon.
ryan was late. not by much, a few minutes at best, but he was late. i gnawed on my lower lip for a few seconds, and decided to get things ready; guitars, set list. packing my things back into my suitcase, and waiting.
when the knock finally came, i had to take a moment to compose myself.
"ryan! come in," i said, hoping that my voice didn't sound as stupidly shaky as it sounded to myself.
he didn't even look around; gaze fixed on me. he looked so fragile; breakable, like a porcelain doll.
ryan gave me a weak smile, set his bag down and followed me to the other room where i had laid out the instruments. I picked my own up and waited for him to do the same, slender fingers wrapping around the guitar and his long fingers pressing against the frets experimentally.

it took us a long time, my guess was that he hadn't used his guitar in a long time. i didn't mind; i used the time to analyse him. hair longer than it was- longer and curlier. face thinner, dark circles beneath his eyes, lips chapped and worn.

at the end i wrapped him in a hug, feeling him flinch beneath me and staying tense for a few moments before relaxing into my grip. he was always skinny, but he seemed so small now.
what happened to him?

"i'll see you tomorrow?" I murmur into his ear softly.
he nods. it's good enough for me.