last resort | ryden

13

how is this almost at 200 reads i'm quaking if u ever read this ily and this has taken forever to write lmao but it's nearly done thank god
edit from like half an hour later: 210 reads holy heck
the next day: 223 WHAT DID YOU DOOOOOO
be careful w this chapter pls lovelies. it gets a little triggering- especially if you're triggered by anything to do with domestic abuse- so stay safe. i'll put a * when it starts and ends.
ryan

the show itself got cancelled, and i couldn't help but feel like it was my fault. unable to tell whether or not i should wake brendon, i twisted onto my side and sighed into his arm. earlier in the night he had thrown it over my body haphazardly in his sleep, but i didn't mind too much. in fact; i didn't mind at all, even though it had made me flinch when he did it. he felt soft, and warm, and smelt like hotel body wash. it seemed like a dream, but if it was, i never wanted to wake up.

brendon woke me gently, whispering my name into my hair. i simply blinked groggily up at him,  eyelids heavy from lack of sleep. he smiled at me and took my hand, intertwining our fingers and gently smoothing my skin in circles, tapping on my bruised knuckles, and tracing the guitar calluses we both had. i couldn't stop the warm flush from spreading across my cheeks, and i hid it behind my hand. brendon smirked at me and removed my hand from my face gently. i could feel my face heating up. he slid out of bed, dragging me with him and laying an arm across my shoulders to keep me steady.

"pancakes?" he asked me, a hopeful tone in his voice. i wasn't used to my opinion being asked of, and so i nodded. i haven't had pancakes in a long time. brendon grinned at me, eyes crinkling and nose puckering up. i found it the cutes-
no i didn't.
i have a boyfriend.
i squeezed his hand to reassure myself, and he moved closer to me to press our bodies together.

it felt so perfect, so natural, so comfortable. i hadn't felt like this for a long time, probably since me and brendon parted ways.

he sat me down at the table, despite my protests of that i could make them, or at least help him.

soon enough, brendon had finished up and set a plate of pancakes in front of us both. i tried to eat them but my appetite was gone. i knew i had to eat something though, so i managed two and gave the rest to brendon, who didn't mind in the slightest. we had to go to the police station today, and i felt sick to my very stomach.

brendon didn't ask questions, which was a relief, and treated me like i meant the world to him. i relished in the care, knowing it couldn't last for long. adam was manipulative, id realised that by now.

we walked into the police station, bodies pressed together, and i didn't mind the contact. brendon was warm. we were escorted over to a somehow informal looking officer, a few tattoos scattered across her forearms and exposed by her rolled up sleeves. despite her somehow threatening appearance, her tone was warm when she addressed us.

i learnt her name was hayley, and that she and the rest of her team had interviewed adam. he had denied everything. of course he had. i let brendon talk for me, answering simple questions. although i knew i had to talk sometime, and my throat dried up.

"excuse me?" i tried, but my voice was small and hoarse. brendon noticed however, glancing at me worriedly.

"could i get some water?" i asked hayley, and she nodded, wandering over to a vending machine in the corner. while her back was turned, brendon twisted to face me.

"it's okay if you're not ready yet," he told me, softly and gently and just his presence was so warm.
i felt hot tears spill down my cheeks, and i brushed them away with my sleeve. brendon wiped the rest away with a tissue. it felt like he cared.

hayley returned with the water and set it in front of me, clearly noting but not commenting on the dried tears still imprinted on my cheeks, and i thanked her for that.

"you are going to have to talk to him, but don't worry, we will be there and brendon can come with you if you'd like-" i nodded frantically at that- "so he won't be able to do anything. if you feel strongly about it, you can leave and we can ask you what happened, note it and ask him separately, but if you feel up to it, this is the best method."

i had to see adam again. i wondered what it would be like, now i had broken away. there was still a voice in my head criticising me and warning me; a kind of survival instinct i couldn't get rid of. somehow it was quieter when i was around brendon.

i don't think i've thought of a cheesier statement before in my life.

brendon helped me up, and we followed hayley into the room where adam sat, handcuffed.

**********

i tried to stay calm, i really did. i felt so cold. everything about the scene terrified me, but i tried. adam sat casually, like we were at home rather than in a police station. his eyes drilled into mine, and i couldn't look away.

brendon twisted my chin to face him,
and the warmth returned. he was safe.

hayley asked me simple questions, about our relationship to start with, and i told her the truth.

after brendon and i had broken up, adam had found me in a bar. i was young and freshly heartbroken, orphaned and desperate. he was nice at first, and that bought him my trust. then came the emotional abuse, according to one of the police detectives. it couldn't be abuse if most of it was my fault, and i said so.

from there it grew to regular insults, but i swore adam would make up for it and that he didn't mean to, i knew he didn't mean what he said. he was just stressed.

when i told hayley- and brendon- about when it transitioned to physical abuse, that's when i broke. brendon wrapped both arms around me, his own tears dampening my hair, and mine practically soaking his shirt.

i kept talking.

it was brendon's turn to speak before long, and then they would let us leave and get away. he spoke about what he heard from the flat next door, about the muffled thumps and how he always suspected something. he told us about when he saw me again for the first time after all those years, and how tired and broken i looked.

**************

i just hugged him tighter.

it was past five when we walked out, hand in hand. i had broken up with adam, with assistance from hayley, and i no longer felt guilty about being close with brendon. i wasn't sure what we were, but it didn't matter to me. he wasn't leaving, and neither was i.