My Nasti, Obese, American Toe: An autobiography

599 lbs

What I ate today:
Pebbles
Dirt
Dust
British Toe's toenail

My brother yelled at me when we got home. He was so angry with me he didn't talk to me for the rest of the night.

When we went to sleep I heard his phone ring. He picked it up. It was the producer, Thicc toe. She was telling him that I needed to see the doctor, Dr. Bunion MD, tomorrow. He confirmed that we would be there.

In the morning, my brother and I met the product at the doctor's office. Today she was wearing a purple gel polish. Thicc toe was beautiful.
"Before the old producer died, I used to be on this TV show. Dr. Bunion really helped me lose weight." She told us. I couldn't believe it Thicc Toe used to be an obese toe.  I'm so motivated to lose this weight so I can win Thicc toe.

We walked into the room where they weighed me and then they took me to meet the doctor. Dr. Bunion had a giant bunion all over him. I've never seen a bunion so big!
"According to your height and weight you need to lose 300 lbs. to be able to get the weight loss surgery. So I'm going to give you a diet and exercise plan and expect you to do them." Dr. Bunion told me.

My brother and I walked out with Thicc toe.
"I apologize for my brother yesterday," British toe told Thicc toe.
"No worries, I had impulse control issues when I had all of that weight too," she explained to my brother.
"So I was wondering if we could go out to dinner sometime?" my brother asked quickly changing the subject.
Thicc toe looked directly into his toenail.
"Yes,"
"Until then," my brother concluded.
"Until then," she replied. They both looked at each other before walking out in opposite directions.

My brother and I walked out into the parking lot.
"Brother, you do not understand my love and want for Thicc toe." I told British toe.

"Thicc toe would never date someone the size of a whale. She only likes me. She will never see you as attractive or worthy of love!"

"Brother, I am going to lose all of this weight and steal Thicc toe from you! She will see that I am the only worthy one and see that you are the only one not worthy of love!"

"Even if you lose all of that weight, Thicc toe will never find attractive. You have the ugliest toenail! It's too large even for your plus size figure!"

"Enough of this, brother! I will have none of this childish teasing anymore!"
I body slammed my brother, I crushed his skeleton. Breaking and snapping every single ligament in his unworthy body. He let out a scream in agony.
"Is this how you want me, brother! Violent and brutish? If this is how I will win Thicc toe, then I will kill you!"