As I Was talking to Sydney about her technique, I look down at my phone and it's her the one that confuses me more than anyone that made me rethink everything again. The one and only Alison. I'm so mixed up on how I feel, I mean me and Paige just broke up and I can't lie some of that was to do with Ali. But I can't handle this right now I need a little more time. Before she tells me that she isn't into girls like that, and I was only ever practice. I can't handle hearing that again, so I hit ignore and try to listen to what Sydney is trying to say. I give up thinking I need to clear my head I tell her goodbye and of course, Paige walks in. As if I need that on top of everything else that's going on.
She looks at me with that pained look in her eyes. I can't talk to her right now, so I walk past her and leave. Now to decide what I'm going to do about Ali, I get in my car and try to lose myself in the music I try to turn it up, and get into it but I just can't. I turn the music off, and decide to stop at the Brew to get my Iced Coffee. As I pull into the parking lot I see that I have a text message. I slide open the message, and I see that it's from Ali great. "Please call me back". I knew I was gonna cave so I might as well just go to her house and tell her I'm not gonna be her practice this time around, that I have more confidence than that now. She had to know I was not going to be the naive girl that she used to know.
I pull out of the brew, and head to Ali's house to possibly get played like a fiddle and come to her aide once again. I pull into her driveway. I take a deep breathe get out of my car and go inside Ali's house. I walk up the steps to her room, and knock on her door. "Ali, It's me what was so urgent." As soon as I said that she opened the door, and she had tears streaming down her face. As soon as I saw that I was sucked right back in. "Oh my god are you ok, Im sorry if I knew this was about your mom I would've called you right back, Im sorry." Ali just put her arms around me, and hugged me. "I just needed to see you I needed you here and to feel you around me." I was confused why me, this is how she always was back then using my feelings against me well no more. "Ali, you can't say things like that you should of called one of the other girls. I can't let you use my feelings against me anymore it's to hard I'm not that girl anymore."
Ali had a half smile "Oh trust me I know that." I went to get off the bed but Ali grabbed my arm. "I called you cause I needed to talk to you , I need to tell you what I discovered while I was away. I sat back down, not knowing what she was talking about or what she was going to tell me. " She started to pick at the comforter, and looked realy nervous I thought maybe she was going to tell me she's had a boyfriend all along and didn't want it to be awakrd. Or me to find out from the girls.
But she moved around towards me, took my hands. "You remember when you kissed my shoulder, when we were in the lcoker room. You were helping me put my bra on and, I got mad said that 'I like boys, if I was kissing you it was only for practice. ' I shifted uncomortably and took Ali's interlocking hands off mine and scootched over on the bed. I was trying not to show emotion but I rememeber that day as clear as day, and the feeling of someone punching me in the gut. "How could I forget Ali, I went home and cried my eyes out beause I felt like I was nothing to you just some stepping stone and it made me sick."
Ali had tears that begant to form in her eyes, she could see how painful it was for me to bring this up. "Ali I know where this is going and, I can't listen to you tell me you don't feel that way again once was plenty enough so if you'll excuse me." Damn't know I was crying why did she get under my skin to where it was like I could literally feel her in my blood veins. I was close to the door to get the hell out of her room, and the impending heartache when she grabbed my hand she had a different look in her eyes though it was sincere almost begging me through her eyes alone not to leave her. "Please just let me finish, Please Em just give me ten minutes if you still want to leave I will let you."
I let out a huff, "Fine", I gave her a half assed smile. Then we sat down, "I only brought that day up becuase it would begin haunt me and taunt my memory for years to come. While I was gone while A was sending me threats and I wasn't abel to come home." I had kissed Ian, Ezra and some others guys. I felt like I was getting that queezy feeling again I looked down at my nails. She put her hand under my chin and pulled my head up so my eyes were level with her. "What I didn't realize was all those kisses I never felt anything, what I later realized was the only time I ever felt anything and my heart nearly jumped out of my chest was when you kissed me in the Library and again in the locker room."
Was I really hearing this or was this some sort of sick angle, but I know Ali better than anyone or at least I used to think. I look into her eyes and she's looking at me in almost a passionate way. Could this realy be true, "If this is some sort of trick or joke Ali please Im begging you don't do it."
She gets impossibly close to me, and puts her finger on my lips, "You now that this isn't a lie, you can feel it right now, you can see it in my eyes I know you can. You know me better than anyone Em. I could always be myself around you. Ever since that realization, once you know something like that about yourself you can't un know it."
She rubs her thumb along my lips, it sends shudders up and down my whole body, and makes me crave for her touch even more. Her eyes have turned almost black, "Your lips Em have haunted me and made there way into my dreams I can't tell you how many times, and now that your here and those delicious lips are right in front of me I just have to taste you." I can feel her breathe against my lips.
I put my finger on her lips, "Okay know that you've had a turn to talk I've got to say a few things to. Now its her turn to be nervous, she looked like someone punched her in the teeth. And it made me feel horrible. "Trust me it's nothing bad, I just have to tell you and get it off my chest ."
