Perustis Flamma

Passing Thoughts (April 30 2018)

I've never broken down in a setting where anyone was around. Until today. It all was because I was talking about her. I didn't mean for her to hear, I didn't know she was there. If only I had seen her sooner. 

After I saw her run away from that corner, I felt so bad. I swore to myself, cursing me and the situation. It took me all the willpower I could contrive to walk out in that hallway, in fear I would see her. I was more afraid of what I would have said if she was near the vending machines. Luckily, she wasn't. Unluckily, I had to walk back there to get my leather jacket. 

She walked out of- I believe the commons, I am not really sure. I didn't pay attention. I saw her and instantly turned, I jaunted back after I was beckoned. My minds logical processes had stopped. My body could not handle the stress of being next to her, as I was scared. I was afraid. I don't know why, or how, but in that instant, I had a nervous breakdown. I started shaking uncontrollably. To her- she must have thought I was mocking or copying her as a joke. What kind of friend would that make me? How could she possibly gestate I would do such a thing? Am I that horrible of a person? 

Is it me who's been the devil in disguise?