My Journal

Never Good Enough

I'm such a hypocrite..I tell you all to be proud of yourself and of who you are...

But on the other side of these books...Isn't just an author... It's a girl who knows she'll never be good enough. She knows she's not the thinnest, or the smartest, or the most beautiful. She's not the nicest or the best at anything, really. 

She knows that for the past year... The guy she was in love with wasn't looking at her... He was looking at he best friend. The one who was always a size smaller than her, or a class above her. Her friend was used to boys swooning over her, she was used to having boys buy her things and taking her out to lunch.

But the girl who sat in front of her computer all day, practically talking to herself because she doesn't believe that anyone else will care, didn't know that feeling. She had barely been out of the house, her relationships constantly failed because there was always someone better out there, and her grades were right at the passing mark.

She tries to pour herself out, to save herself...but nothing works. She knows she's never good enough for the world. That cutting hurts everyone around you but so does living on, it seems. 

Maybe she's an attention seeker and it's all in her mind... Just a teen with hormones.

But maybe that fourth, fifth, sixth or seventh cut meant something this time. Maybe that last suicide attempt was a sign. Maybe all those insults or bad thoughts are big red flags and glowing, neon signs that read "KILL YOURSELF" across the front of them. 

And she knows all of this.

She knows that no matter how many people compliment her or say they're there for her, or how many times her loving boyfriend tells her how amazing she is, or how her family always tells her how proud they are, or how many sweet messages she gets from the caring people online...

She's not good enough. She's never good enough.

She's just a shadow that is nearly invisible as it's covered by someone else's- someone greater's. 

She knows she's not good enough.

She's Never Good Enough...

~Even monsters can love~