Saving Us ✔

3.

"McKenna, where are your letters from Duke? We need to start planning out payments and living now so that we're ahead of the game and prepared by August. It'll be here before you know it." My mom had just come in from a sixteen hour shift, and her main focus was college paperwork. My parents take no time to relax. 

"Uh, it's all up in my room. I'll organize it and get it to you tomorrow morning." I lie, silently freaking out on the inside as she walks down the hall towards the laundry room to throw her scrubs in the hamper.

"They should already be organized, McKenna. You know better than that."

"I know, I'm sorry." I reach for the remote and turn the TV off as my mom walks back into the room in a pair of pajama pants and a tank top. 

"McKenna, your dad and I aren't going to be around all the time when you're away at college. You're going to be on your own, and you have to learn responsibility, you have to be organized and focused. You have to apply yourself, skating by like you did in high school and getting B's on finals isn't going to cut it, you have to try harder."

I'm seeing red, I'm so angry at her right now.

They aren't going to be around so I'll be on my own? I'm always on my own now, they're never home. 

Skating by? I worked my ass off every day for the GPA, awards. scholarships, and grades I had received. I hardly ever got anything less than a 95% on an assignment or test, and they're acting as if that one 85% was the norm for me when in fact it was a pretty good grade considering how much I struggled with the test. 

She doesn't even wait for me to reply, as soon as she's done talking she heads out of the room and towards her bedroom. 

My hands are clutched into fists as I sit on the couch, the walls of the room getting closer and closer it seems. I want to march down the hall and barge into her room, I want to yell at her and tell her how much she sucks at being a parent, I want to tell her everything that is on my mind right now.

Instead, I grab my headphones and phone, and leave.

I walk around the neighborhood for awhile, calming myself down and listening to music, trying to convince myself that my mom loves me or at least cares about me. 

When I am about a block from my house, I see someone sitting  in Ms. Braverman's yard, their head down and knees pulled up to their chest. 

Part of me is telling me to run and the other part is telling me to go make sure this person is okay. The latter part wins.

I approach the person, but they make no sign that they are aware of me. I can tell it's a guy when I get closer, his tall body looking small because of his position. He has on a grey hoodie and the hood is pulled over his head so that I can't see his face. 

"Uhm...are you okay?" I ask hesitantly, ready to run if I need to. 

He raises his head and his eyes trail from my shoes to my face. When his bloodshot eyes meet mine, my breath catches in my throat. His sandy brown hair is disheveled and sticking up in certain places, his hazel eyes are not only red and bloodshot, but drooping like he can barely keep them open. 

"Axel?" My tone comes out like I'm surprised or shocked, and I guess I am. I'm surprised that even in this state, he looks that good. I'm shocked that someone can be this attractive while this drunk. 

"Hey, Kenny." 

My heart flutteres and for a minute I'm a little kid again, at a loss for words as he calls me my old nickname. When I find my voice again, I say the same thing I've always said to his greeting. "Don't call me that. You know I hate it."

Axel doesn't say anything, but he smirks and I can't help but smile as I sit down on the grass beside him. "So, are you okay?" I ask him again. 

"Do I look okay?"

I can smell the alcohol on his breathe, "You look drunk."

"Then I'm okay."

I think about his words, and nod in response as I look out at the empty street. I don't know what is going on in Axel's life or mind, but I can understand the need to get drunk and get out of your mind to feel okay. Sometimes the pressure and lack of love from my own parents makes me want to just be someone else for awhile. 

"What are you listening to?"He points at the earbuds hanging around my neck, and I pick one up and hand it to him. 

Axel puts the earbud in his ear and listens to the music for a few minutes but makes no comment or move to give it back to me. When the next song starts to play, he asks, "Why are you out this late?"

I keep my eyes on the white house in front of us, my thoughts going back to the words my mom had said to me earlier. I could tell Axel why I'm out here, I could tell him everything and get it off my chest - I'd probably feel better; but he doesn't care, he has his own problems. 

"I just needed to get out." I say, and it's true, I did need to get out before I went and said some things I would regret. 

Axel's eyes try to focus on me, but he looks like he's going to pass out any minute now. We sit there for a few more minutes before he tries to stand, only to stumble and fall back to the ground with a "oomph". 

I can't help but burst out in laughter, my hand over my mouth so that I don't wake any of the neighbors. Axel gives me a look of disbelief before I stand up and offer him my hand.

Axel isn't stable at all and leans against me the entire way back to our houses. I can't help but smile internally at the fact that I am this close to Axel Anderson, all my childhood dreams coming true, only under different circumstances. 

When we get to our shared backyard, Axel lets out a groan as he looks up at his bedroom window. "Stairs are gonna be so fucking hard." 

"Want help?" I offer, still holding him up as he leans against me.

"Would you?"

I nod as I lead him towards the door, carefully and quietly sneaking him up to his room, smacking my hand over his mouth as he laughs at a family photo hanging by the stairwell. 

After I dump Axel onto his bed, I turn to leave, only looking back when I hear him mumble "Kenny."

"Yeah?" I aske quietly. 

"Thanks, Kenny. You're a good friend."

As I sneak back out of the house and into my own, I'm bothered by Axel's words. I don't know why his words bother me so much, Kenny was just a nickname and we are friends I guess, we're definitely not anything more. 

I close my bedroom door behind me, and see Axel sitting up in his bed through my window. I don't know if he's looking towards my window or not, but suddenly I am overcome with the urge to make him see me as more than his pal next door. 

I stand in front of my window and turn on my lamp, pulling my t shirt over my head I take my time reaching for a sweater that is draped over my desk chair. After I pull on my sweater, I kick off my shoes and shimmy out of my black jeans. I stand there in my underwear and pull my hair into a bun on top of my head as my sweater raises and exposes my stomach before turning off the lights.