Sunset - Afterglow

4

Marc woke up on the couch in a well cleaned surrounding. The bed still needed some cleaning up, probably a new mattress. But everything else was pretty tidy.
Still lying on the couch, Marcs thoughts started to wander off. He was thinking about the last days and what it meant. In his mind, some things were certain. First, he was still alive because of his failure and not because his body was that strong. Second, if no one was bothered by his absence, his presence has no meaning. And third, some part of him, and it was stronger than he realised, was looking for some meaning behind his survival. The first realisation was easy to understand for Marc. If he wanted to give it another go, he would need way more of everything. More alcohol, more drugs and definitely some planning. Because if he tried it again, he would do it right. He would need to clean up the apartment, clear out his closets and prepare everything as if it was for moving day. Also, considering the mess of the last try, he would probably start in the bath tub in the first place. That way, everything would be easy to clean and handle.
The second finding obtained was harder to process. Marc realised, that he had no friends, no one who cared for him. And even his family, his own parents and his siblings, haven't noticed anything. Marc was not sure what to make of it. Was he such a bad person that really nobody cared? Wouldn't anyone be alarmed if someone told them that he can't go on anymore, that he is lonesome, that he needed relief? Marc couldn't understand that no one cared enough for him to even recognise these signals. But it was clear for him now, that he couldn't rely on anyone. He knew now, that any sympathy towards anyone will end up in pain and grief. So why trust anyone? Why should one show his vulnerable side just to get hurt again? Marc really had trouble understanding that, since he was different before everything.
He was one who loved company and good times. Of course he could enjoy a calm evening on the couch or in the bed, but people and company was always important to him. He really thought that he had friends, real friends. Even if only one, he was sure he had friends. Now, he knows for a fact, that he only had one friend, and this friend was the start of his ending. Because that friend left him alone in a moment he would have needed a friend the most. That friend showed his mistake in trusting.
The third enlightenment was unusual. Marc always knew the value of science, the value of facts and knowing. But now, after all that had happened, he wasn't that sure anymore. Marc was searching for a meaning behind his survival, for a reason for his existence. The only explanation he could find, was something he never thought to exist. God. This might sound quiet regular or normal, but considering Marcs position on God and religion itself, this realisation left even Marc astonished.

Totally confused by all these thoughts, Marc sat up on the couch. Instantly, all his actions of the last couple days kicked in. His head felt like it was exploding and his stomach was screaming for food and water. Cramps from the stomach over the back way down to his toes completed the pain.
He fought his way to the kitchen and took a yoghurt out of it. With delicate diligence Marc ate the whole yoghurt. It wasn't particularly good and it kicked off some more cramps, but it calmed his hunger for a bit.
Marc sat in a catatonic state in the kitchen. How long it was, he had no idea. He wasn't thinking, he wasn't looking out the window. He just sat there and existed.
It was a bird crashing into the window that shook Marc out of his trance and he realised that the sun was way past its crown. So he took a piece of paper, a pen and started to make a to do list in order to prepare for the next try.