I woke up exhaustively this morning. I've slept for almost 8 hours. But I woke up crying, complaining why He never listened to me. I even begged to him to give me that thing.
I blamed myself for anything. For being here. For waiting. For not moving. For being hurt by myself. I felt like I died by burying myself into the hole I dug myself. Insane. I felt very very sad. Like I just threw my happy life away.
Remember the dark road and the lights? I was still there, begging for lights. Those lights were still there, but they became dimmed as he wanted to keep the lights for other person.
It was dark. I became sadder. I cried inside. I tried to still look at him, hug him, and kiss his lips so that he won't go anywhere.
Until he said to me whether I felt sad or not as the lights got dim. I said no, because he's still there with me. He smiled and we continued to hug each other.
I lied.
I was sad.
His lights were not for me. It made me sad and sadder.
How could I say I was disappointed? Would he understand? Would he give me those lights if I said I was sad?
If you said you didn't understand me, I'd say you never will.
Because I lied. I lied every time you asked me something like that.
I loved you. I did fall for you. And it's a tragedy when I couldn't tell you I did. It's a waste to tell you everything. You'd keep your lights for other woman. You'd never give those lights to me.
I love you.
