TRIGGER WARNING ⚠️
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LAURENS POV
Ever since the last couple of months I've been ignoring my girlfriend Y/N and the girls as well because of her addictions and I told her to stop since it's not healthy or I will break up with her, so far she's trying really hard but she's still not 100%. Before I left to my Mum'a house to leave Y/n alone to get herself together she was distant and wouldn't talk to me and I just couldn't handle it. I needed a break not just for me but for her as well, to somehow fix herself.
Right now me and the girls were coming off stage and going to our bus to shower and stuff, when we got onto the bus Ally went to go check her phone while the rest of us joked around.
"Uhm Guys Come here real quick please" Ally said with concern laced into her voice. "What, ally whats the matter" I said going over to her worried
"Y/n left a voicemail and I'm concerned because she doesn't leave voicemails usually" ally said looking at all of us, "hey calm down just open it okay and see what she is saying" Dinah said trying to calm everyone down
Ally pressed the button and we then heard Y/n voice.
"It's a matter of time when people get fed up, when they give up. When everyone around them gives up on them, when no one cares about them anymore.
Depression slowly creeps up on you and makes it attack on you when you least expect it.
Anxiety rushes through you when you overthink too much, it's a killing mechanism that numbs you.
All of these feelings and emotions the last few weeks have made me go insane, made me feel like I'm more than nothing. The word nothing doesn't even describe what I feel now, pathetic is more of the word I'm going for.
I know none of this doesn't make sense but I hope you figure it out soon.
Love Y/n
Then her voice was gone, I was trying not to panic but I couldn't stop. I was shaking in fear of what she meant, if she really was going to take her life but no Lauren don't think that way. She probably isn't going to, breathe Lauren breathe okay breathe. I had to excuse myself from them because I knew I was about to shed tears like there was no tomorrow. When I got into my bunk I full on let the waterworks go, I stayed up till probably 5am feeling numb and useless. Please God please don't let Y/n slip please I beg you, she can do this. I can't lose my baby
YOUR POINT OF VIEW
It's been one fucking month since she walked out on me because of my stupid addictions, I still remember that day like the bat of my hand, I'm such a fuckup.
I've told everyone I'm fine and that getting better but really I've done the opposite, my suicidal thoughts have come back and everything has been crashing down. All I do is drink and self harm lately, my whole body has scars fresh and old and I've lost so much weight over the last month. I've tried getting out but nothing works, the only sense of light and happiness has vanished from me. I still watch all the happy memories on my phone and end up crying my eyes out till I can't anymore. If only I didn't have to fuck everything up she would be in my arms right now.
I've seen her and this boy Brad on the news lately and they look pretty close, she probably wants him and not me anymore. I don't blame her honestly, who would want someone this pathetic and useless and ugly and fat, I can't even make her happy anymore that's why she left.
I sighed and decided on taking my life since no one cares anymore, I've lost all my family and friends including the rest of the girls from fifth harmony. I decided to just call Ally to spill what I feel and then if she doesn't end up caring then I'll leave forever. None of the other girls especially Lauren would even care if I left so I didn't bother calling them, I just hope Ally somehow listens and helps me before it's too late.
I grab my phone and call her only leaving me to voicemail, I might as well just leave something I guess, when the beep appears I start talking.
"It's a matter of time when people get fed up, when they give up. When everyone around them gives up on them, when no one cares about them anymore.
Depression slowly creeps up on you and makes it attack on you when you least expect it.
Anxiety rushes through you when you overthink too much, it's a killing mechanism that numbs you.
All of these feelings and emotions the last few weeks have made me go insane, made me feel like I'm more than nothing. The word nothing doesn't even describe what I feel now, pathetic is more of the word I'm going for.
I know none of this doesn't make sense but I hope you figure it out soon.
Love Y/n
I then end the call and grab the nearest bottle of alcohol, my blades that I sharpened the other day and pills and store them in the cupboard under the shelf. Then go into my studio and make some music to kill time.
