Love Sick

Chapter 13

I wobbled slightly as Matt and I walked. The cool air was soothing to my skin. "Tell me about California." I said, wrapping my arms around my self and looking up at him.

"It's incredible, it's warm and sunny, constantly buzzing with new people who have new ideas. It's such a hub for creativity." I smiled hearing him talk. "Have you ever thought about going?"

"Yeah, I want to one day. I want to go to film school, and I'm still debating between UCLA and Tisch. Hopefully I'll get to tour them both." I replied.

"Well, whenever you come out let me know, I'd be more than happy to give you the full walk around!" We walked along a trail into the local park. I was steadily regaining my center of gravity and my wobbling had ceased. "You can do better than him, you know?" Matt said as we perched on the swings. I pushed myself, steadily gaining height.

"Better than who?" I asked, Matt stayed still on the swing, watching me.

"Better than Jon Roden." He answered. I laughed, looking away from him and up at the sky. "You can do better than the drugs and the alcohol too." That one caught me off guard. I slowed to look back at him.

"What do you mean?"

"Chance told me, about your mom's cancer, how your dad is kinda checked out, how you cope in other ways." I was shocked, he was talking to me like he knew me. "I really don't mean to overstep or get involved. I just can't explain why I feel like I need to protect you. Something about you makes me want to make sure you are safe." I stared at him quietly. "The moment I saw you I knew you were important. I don't know how or why, but I need to figure it out."

"My mom was diagnosed when I turned 13. Breast cancer. She fought really hard, for over two years she fought but she got tired. She died the summer before I turned 16. My dad tried his hardest to be there for my little brother Luke and I, but he loved her so much I think the best parts of him died with her." I continued swinging while Matt quietly listened.  "Chance and I started dating freshman year, my parents loved him. My dad even helped him pick out his suit for homecoming that year. When my mom died, I wasn't the same person anymore. Chance made it onto the lacrosse team and his dad was pressuring him to be a star so he could get a scholarship. He made new friends, and I met Marley, we weren't the same people anymore. I was the sad girl who's mom died and he was the athletic superstar. I told him we should break up, and he asked me to give him a chance to prove that we could still work. We went to a party with some of his friends and they introduced me to a new life style. I started getting high with them all the time. One night, when Chance and I mixed some of my mom's old pain meds with alcohol he tried to have sex with me. I didn't want to, I kept pushing him away and trying to leave and he got so mad. He stormed out of the room and made a whole scene to his friends. I broke things off with him, and then his parents got divorced so I rarely have to see him anymore." I finished.

"I'm so sorry I had no idea." Matt tried to explain.

"I don't expect you to understand. Chance is your friend. He's charming. He doesn't seem like the type to sexually assault his druggie girlfriend." I laughed. "Don't feel sorry for me. I'm still here and kickin' it." I swung back and forth. "The drugs make it easier. I like how they make me feel. Less tense, fewer cares, I can have fun." Matt began to swing beside me.

"Hanna, I promise I'm going to teach you how to have fun the right way."

End Flashback

"He stayed in town for a while, and we hung out almost every day. He taught me how to fish, we played video games, Marley even eventually forgave me for "stealing" her man." I laughed to James. "Then he had to go, California was calling. We kept in touch, I stopped doing drugs and partying with the wrong crowd. After graduation, I needed time to figure out my life, Matt suggested I visit him in California for the summer. I could tour UCLA and relax at the beach. Once we were back together I knew I couldn't be apart from him. His fame was sky rocketing though, he needed to be able to travel and create. So we dated in secret until the other day. A year of being Matt's secret. I didn't know this is how it would have ended up but I couldn't imagine it any other way."

"You've lived an emotional life." James said.

"I know, I've never been the best at making the right decision, and I get easily overwhelmed, but I love Matt. He's too good for me, I don't deserve him." I sighed.

"You messed up Hanna, with Nash and I, you should tell Matt the truth. You do deserve him, your a good person, and you two need each other." James said. I looked up at him. "I'm glad you told me your story, I was starting to think you were just a crazy fan girl who happened to bag a star, but you are so much more than that." With that, James walked away. I watched the sun set fully and was enveloped in the night sky. My phone buzzed and I pulled it out of my pocket to check it.

Matt: Foods here, lo mien and sesame chicken, come eat before I finish it all!

I laughed to myself and wandered back inside the building. When I got to main stage everyone was running around. The entire crew was crammed into one room. On the stage was a row of stools with name tags on them. Matt sat on the ground in front of his stool with Taylor and Carter. I jumped up the stairs and parked myself next to him. "I'm starved!" I claimed as he handed me my takeout.

"Tell me all about it." Matt said, getting straight to the point.

"It was incredible baby. I have never felt such a rush." I ran through the entire set with him, he just smiled and watched me babble. I finished and looked at him. "What?" I asked as he stared at me.

"I'm just really proud of you. You've come so far." He said. He was holding something back, I could feel it. I nodded and smiled. A chill came over me as Nash ruffled my hair from behind me.

"Hey goober. I heard you were pretty good today." He said, sitting next to Matt and stealing a fortune cookie. I grinned at him.

"What can I say, I'm the next X-Factor winner." I laughed. Nash rambled on about something while I watched Matt. His eyes looked lost and he stared at the ground and nodded, pretending to listen to Nash.

"Wrap up! Ten minutes!" A crew member yelled before I was able to grab Matt's attention. Everyone began to scramble. The talent rushed behind the stage, tech crew passed out microphones and began blasting music, and everyone else took their positions around the room. I stood backstage, between Matt and Taylor.

"Matty, what's up?" I whispered in his ear. He just shook his head. "Babe?" Matt turned towards me.

"Let's talk after? We can take a walk." He said. I listened to the crowd file in, once everyone had taken a seat Mahogany jumped onto the stage, and screaming began. I stared quietly at the back of Matt's head. What could be possibly be thinking about? Introductions began.

"You know them, they are your favorite musical duo! Jack and Jack!" Mahogany yelled, the boys rushed out onto the stage and took their seats. "He's got eyes so blue you could drown in them..." Mahogany said with a smirk, Nash skipped past us and waved as he ran to his spot. "Everyone's favorite lovebirds!" I laced my hand with Matt's and we walked out together, he kissed me quickly before we took our seats. Everyone was introduced quickly until the stage was full. "Alright, we'll start taking questions!"