Love Sick

Chapter 14

Something was off. Matt was a good actor for the crowd but something was bothering him. "My question is for Matt." A bubbly girl said into the microphone. Matt smiled at her and nodded. "What do you like most about Hanna?" Matt turned to meet my eyes, maybe the second time since the Q&A started.

"I couldn't possibly pick one thing. The way that she makes me laugh, she supports me in everything I do, the way she knows exactly what to say and how to say it. She's my best friend and my girlfriend and I couldn't ask for anything better." He said, patting my knee and smiling at me. I plastered a fake smile on my face and hoped that he could see in my eyes that I knew something was wrong.

"Love you baby." I mouthed to him.

"Love you." He said back. The Q&A went well, but I was fading fast. The talent crew made plans to go out to grab dinner, but Matt looked completely defeated and uninterested. We headed back to the green room to gather our things when I cornered him.

"Talk to me. Right now, Matthew." I said, placing my small frame in front of him and trying to take up as much room as possible. He smiled a little at my "power" move.

"I could easily pick you up and move you." He said, crossing his arms.

"But you won't. Because it's us. And we talk about our issues. That's why we work." Matt moved a strand of hair from my face.

"I guess I just wasn't ready." He said.

"Ready for what?"

"For all the attention you would get. I mean, you are wonderful and so magnetic that I understand why everyone is obsessed with you, the same reasons I am, but it scares me that we are here with such incredible people, what if you find someone else? You are becoming your own sensation, you have your own fans, you don't need me." I grabbed Matt's face forcing him to make eye contact with me.

"Matt! I was never with you because I wanted to chase fame! I was a secret for over a year remember? I am with you because you know me on a level that no one else can ever know me and you've loved me all the same. We have demons, baby. I know that Nash worries you, and I know that I haven't been good to you today. But there is no one like you, and no one on earth better for me." I said.

"I lied to you. About Emmy. We had a thing, right before you and I. No secrets." Matt said randomly.

"No secrets." I agreed.

"So tell me about Nash." Matt's eyes went cold. My heart beat increased. No secrets.

"We kissed." I said, I had to take blame. Even though he made the first move I kissed him back. "It was fast and confusing." I tried poorly to explain. The hurt on Matt's face was indescribable. Angry flashed in his eyes.

"You what?" He asked.

"We kissed. Nash and I already squashed it though, it was a moment of complete weakness and no one wants a repeat!" I tried and failed to calm Matt down.

"I'm going to kill him." He said. I could feel his anger crackling in the air. "I'm going to fucking kill him." He tried to move around me and I jumped back in front of him.

"You'll have to kill me too!" I said. Matt looked shocked. "Matt. I was just as active a participant. I don't know what came over me or why I let it happen and I completely understand if you want absolutely nothing to do with me. You deserve someone who will never hurt you." I said. Matt and I just stared at each other in silence. I could see the thoughts running through his head. What would it be like to dump her? I sighed and slid down the nearest wall. Matt didn't move, his face was stone and indecipherable. I watched his chocolate eyes travel to a different world. "I love you Matt." I said. He looked down to me.

"Do you? Did it take kissing another guy to figure that out?" I deserved that, and maybe he was right. Maybe I needed the fear of loosing him to motivate my desire, what kind of person did that make me? I stayed quiet. I could tell he had more to say he just wasn't saying it. "When we met, I saw you from across the lacrosse field, I had to know you. It was like this burning need, if I didn't figure you out I would never be complete." His eyes found mine again. "I still can't figure you out." He muttered. "Get up Han, let's go." He tried to shut me down.

"I'm not leaving until we figure this out." I said firmly.

"What's there to figure out? You kissed my best friend, but I'm not going to do anything about it because I am under your crazy spell." Matt replied.

"That's not what I want! If you need to be angry, be angry. If you need to scream, scream. Just do something! I need you to do something."

"You want me to get angry, but I know you, and watching me be the bigger person is more than enough punishment." Matt said. He knelt down to be at my eye level. "I love you more than I've ever loved anyone Hanna. One stupid kiss isn't going to change that. Just, don't do it again." Matt's eyes softened. "I love you." He repeated.

"Everything is going to be different now." I whispered, looking away from him.

"Maybe that's not such a bad thing." His lips found mine, and I felt it again, the spark.

"Matt! Hanna! Come on, crew is hungry!" Jen yelled through the door, breaking our kiss.

"Let's go." I said, standing quickly. Matt slipped his hand into mine and pulled me into him.

"We're okay Hanna. We really are." I smiled lightly, rested my head on his chest, and sighed.

"Good."