Saudade | Titanic (Tommy Ryan)

VIII

Lucy took the deepest breath she could usher as she braved re-entering the First Class area, something she didn't think would cause butterflies to spitfire around her gut. It felt like a foreign place, as if she had not spent two decades of her life with this as the norm. 

Some of the familiar passengers gasped and remarked to one another, those who knew her, and those who mistook her for a Third Class passenger.

Her self-confidence had never plummeted this fast, however, she wasn't ashamed. The people around her now seemed foreign, and she resented what she saw entirely.

She spotted her sister trailing behind their mother, Cal and Mr Andrews, and slipped behind a corner so that they wouldn't see her.

Dawdling behind them cautiously, she managed to whisper at her sister for attention, clasping her lightly by the arm to pull her aside.

"Lucy," Rose gasped, and her sister took note of how her expression softened when she saw it was her sister. "What are you doing here?"

Rose gripped Lucy's arm as she spoke, fiddling with her sleeve the way she did as a child. Her sister read the uneasiness on her face, setting off alarms inside her head as she desperately wanted to whisk her away.

"I need to as you something, Rose," Lucy said quietly. "What has caused you to shut us out, more importantly myself?"

"Lucy, I don't have much time," Rose fretted, looking left and right as if she felt she was being watched. "Cal isn't letting me out of his sight right now."

Rose went to steer out of her sister's reach, but the taller girl was too quick to block her escape. "No. What has Mother said to you?"

"She hasn't said anything, don't be absurd!" Rose chuckled fakely, and her sister shot her a blank expression, tilting her head.

"Do you really believe I bear such stupidity?"

"This is so dramatic, really, Lucy. Go back down, please do not rub in the fact that you're free."

"Fine, but let me ask you this, Rose," Lucy paused. "Are you planning on docking with myself and the others?"

Rose's lips parted as if to form a 'yes', however they quickly sealed shut again. "I'm engaged to Cal. I know deep down, I must love him."

Lucy could only roll her eyes in response. "That is not true, that man is an abomination not capable of loving, let alone having a girl half his age love him back. Really, Rose, you would rather love Jack, would you not?"

"I want to stay here," Rose snapped, snatching her arm back briskly. "I want to marry Cal."

Her eyes welling up with tears and her cheeks burning red with frustration, Lucy felt harsh words climbing sharply up her throat, and she pursed her lips together, her jaw clenching with fury. Not at Rose, but Cal, and her sad excuse of a mother.

"You're full of shit," she whispered at her sister, who turned her head away in offense. "Rose, just come with me. We can go downstairs now, and get your things later when everyone is at dinner."

Rose did not respond, and so her sister began to pull her arm in the opposite direction they had come from. Rose took a number of steps before she stopped abruptly, tugging back at her sister. "Stop it. Don't make this harder than it has to be."

"And so, that's it, then?" Lucy retorted. "You let them win? You sign away your life for Mother's jewelry."

"Well, you did it for long enough."

"You sound just like her," Lucy insulted, shaking her head in spiteful disbelief. "And need I remind you, Rose, I stayed for you. I apologise for offering to help."