There are moments sometimes when I feel like everything's ok. I savor those moments as much as I can but I hate them all the more at the same time since I know they won't last.
Right now,
Is one of those moments, even though It might be fake I can put on a smile.
I'm thinking many things and have different thoughts; happy ones and some not so happy ones. I look out the window wondering "What's out there that I don't know about? What's the meaning to life? Why live if live eventually ends?" As cliche as it is, I can't help but think about it.
I am afraid.
I am not happy.
I feel vulnerable and can't open up.
I feel lonely.
Unwanted,
Useless,
Judged,
Liked to,
And fed an unrealistic feeling of being accepeted.
And that's ok.
I'm accepting it's all ok.
Although accepting the pain nearly breaks me to pieces I believe it'll become more manageable. I've come to acknowledge that this Inferno is not a punishment but rather something I created.
I know it's my fault, but I can't help but pin the blame on others.
I know
I'm disgusting
Vile
I should know I am no exception
But how long before gray fully turns to black?
Can I change anything?
Someone please tell me which way to go, what to do. I'm lost and wandering aimlessly on what I thought was a path.
Please help me.
