The Dark Feeling

ONE

My eyes fluttered open to sight of the familiar patterns on the ceiling. It was another day in my life of nothing. My eyes glanced down at my clock, to see the time. 5:30. It's time for work. I sat up doing the same thing as everyday. Shower, hair, teeth. The "normal" thing. Whatever normal really is. The thing is, I've never really known what normal was. How can I understand something I've never been through. It's the same reason why I don't understand joy, sadness, anger, disappointment... all of those things are like looking through a window. I see what it's like, but I never get to really see for myself what it's like. I only see what it looks like. My brother opens the door. I turned around, smile on my face. I can't have anyone knowing what I am, what I do, or who I really am. He only knows the person I made up, a facade of want I wish I was like... caring, sweet, sarcastic, funny...your typical little sister. At least that's what he sees.
"Hey sis. I'm heading out to work. Wanna ride?" He asked.
"No, I'll be fine with walking. Like always." I said.
"Are you sure? Its pouring out there." He said.
"Yeah I'm sure. Gotta get my exercise in there somehow." I said laughing. Whatever laughing looks like. He shuts the door and and I go back to my natural state. People only see what I want them to see. None of them will ever know what I'm like when they're not around. I've been doing this my entire life, so I have to be good at faking it, or else I be dead. Not that I "fear" death. I grabbed my bag and headed out of the door. My brother was still in the driveway.
"You sure you don't want a ride?" He asked.
"I'm sure. How many times are you gonna ask me?" I said. "I'll be fine. I promise." I said.
"Fine. But at least take this umbrella." He said handing me a black umbrella.
"Fine." I said. I took it and opened it as I walked down the sidewalk.
What does he know? We don't need his hospitality!
   "He's just trying to help. I know his intentions are in the right place." I say.
You don't have the slightest idea of what bad is. Let alone good. How would you know? Who says we need him!
   "What do you know? You're just a voice in my head." I said as I walked by a mother with her children. She looked at me as if I was crazy—
In which you are...
I rolled my eyes. As she clutched her children close, cautiously. I wish I knew what that felt like... to "love" someone so much they want to keep them from harm. Don't get me wrong, I'd do anything for my brother. But I still don't feel anything. If I had any feelings, I feel them for him.