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07. Silence
"I've gone round and round, nevertheless, the outcome is losing you."
Joohyun was trembling, when somebody abruptly pulled her into such familiar arms. All of a sudden, her mind was paralyzed, completely had no idea what was happening. Seulgi winked with a mysterious smile and walked in the restaurant with Sooyoung. Bangtan also pretended as if they didn't see anything, then telling one another to spread out. Bae Joohyun, who was totally locked in Taehyung's embrace, was the only one that seemed to be unhappy.
Before she arrived here, Joohyun'd imagined their encounter many times, and thought about Taehyung's reaction. He would be confused, cold-hearted, would pretend to be unacquainted, or rather, he would address her as the way she hated so much. But the fact had gone contrary to her imagination, and this fierce action of him was something Joohyun'd never expected.
Kim Taehyung would never suddenly do so, after he'd refused her offer in the afternoon two days ago. Perhaps Joohyun's love was not enough to be confident that she could bring him back beside her. But if there's someone able to understand Taehyung, Bae Joohyun was that person.
"I'm sorry."
Joohyun closed her eyes, her heart was twisted when hearing the voice choked with emotion of the man in front of her. She was too exhausted to find out the reason why he was always avoiding her. Why did they absolutely have to torture themselves? What happened that year that she didn't know? Eventually, how much did he get hurt?
"Kim Taehyung." Joohyun reached over to cling to the fold of his clothing, "You cannot just leave like that." His eyes were bloodshot, which made her heart way too agonized, "Can't you just once...tell me the reason?"
He lowered his head, the tall, slim but lonely figure appeared in the snowy and bone-chilling night. He used to behave like a kid, always hugging and coddling Joohyun. It's also him who gave up everything, holding onto her hands persistently. No matter how many troubles there were out there, no matter what ups and downs they had to experience the following days, he usually thought of her first. Bae Joohyun was always behaving that she didn't see it, but it didn't mean she was not aware of it. That in his love, what Taehyung'd given away, that throughout the road they walked side by side, how carefully he'd had to behave.
In order to keep her beside, in order not to lose her.
"I told you, right?" Joohyun palmed her hands on his chilling cheeks, smiling but tearing up, "I will never let you go, whatever the cost."
"... But I did tell you also, right?" Taehyung quietly removed her fingers, breathing heavily. This conversation wasted too much energy. Joohyun stubbornly stepped forward, but he persistently stepped back. They sank into the mud, permanently getting no way out.
"I cannot hold your hands again anymore."
When he said those words, Taehyung was looking straight up. Snowflakes fell on skinny face, melted into waterdrops. The silence engulfed them, it was hard even just to breathe.
Joohyun used to think, no matter how the outcome got stuck, they could find a way out just by trying the best. But she was wrong, wasn't she? When she attempted to heal, the other was determined to turn away, whatever she did would make no sense. And they could just stay in these positions forever.
"Is this what you want?" No tears in her eyes, Joohyun calmly said. "Kim Taehyung, I ask you one last time, is this really what you want?"
Taehyung clenched his fist, his throat was like closing up, his chest heaved to the exhausting heartbeat. There's someone, whom he loved nevertheless, he couldn't keep beside. There's something that he absolutely had to give up.
And Bae Joohyun was that untold pain – stabbed him in the heart and left a scar that never faded away.
"Fine."
Taehyung lifted his head up in such a bewildered look, seeing the thin lips of Joohyun just closing. She told him the answer recently, exactly, he smiled bitterly, there's no any other person but two of them. He's aware of it, but he couldn't restrain his panic. A year ago, Taehyung'd been unable to cling to her. A year later, he was still helplessly watching her walk away.
"You're not worthy for Joohyun to sacrifice that much."
A viciuos cycle it'd been, the outcome was still missing out.
"I was too presumptuous." Joohyun smiled sarcastically, "to believe that you still love me."
Turned out everything is all limited, even love, too.
Taehyung tightened his lips, his shoulders shrank in a shivering pain.
"That's right." She took one step back. "I've done so many thing wrong , how could you forgive me..."
"But in the past year, I didn't lead a good life at all."
Joohyun wiped her tears away, "Taehyung, you know what?" She forced a smile, "In every relationship, there's nothing so-called worthy or unworthy, there's only want it or not."
"So should it be what you want, I agree."
"Kim Taehyung, it's hard to remain, but it's easy to give up. I let you go once, you let me go once; we're even now."
