ill be fine, really. ; brallon

41

ever since ryan texted me, i havent felt quite right. i havent been myself. all i can think about is him, our past, and how much he used to and still does mean to me.

but as of now, im at my home all by myself. the home i share with dallon, aka the love of my life. im in the living room, not feeling good. probably because im freaking out. the reason being i cant stand the thought of ryan right now.

might i add that theres a party being thrown at my house tonight, and that ryan is coming? thats why im freaking out. i dont want him coming, i know for a fact he will make a move on me. i would tell myself to be sober, but i know i cant help myself to not drink at parties.

what do i even do if ryan makes a move on me? what if i panic and let him do as he pleases even if i dont want it? what if i push him back and cause a scene? what if i like it and we both get into something that will cause us in some deep trouble? what if nothing even happens?

ive got a goal for this party. ill cling onto dallon the whole time. speak about dallon, he just walked in the house as im still panicking. he will notice, no matter how hard i try to hide it. he knows all my signs of panic and sometimes its a blessing but yet a curse.

he walks over to me and already notices. he doenst do anything. he just sits beside me, puts a blanket over us, wraps his arm around me in protective matter, kisses the top of my head, and whispers to me.

whatever it is, dont worry about it. ill be by your side. dont feel the need to explain right away.

•••

a few hours pass and its about two hours until the party starts. i told dallon about what i was worked up about. it was along the lines of, "im a bit anxious since i havent seen ryan in a while and i always feel like this around him," i just left out ryan texting me. dallon, being the sweetheart he is, offered to be by my side at all times. of course, i agreed. we set that conversation of with a kiss.

i just need to bring it back up though. i need to tell the truth. "dal, c-can i show you something?" he nods, walking over to me. "p-promise you wont get mad?" i ask and he tilts his head. he asks why he would he get mad, but he promised not to. i pulled up the texts, seeing his face go from confusion, sadness, anger, and protective-ness, in the matter of seconds.

"dont worry, bren. ill keep an eye on that boy. youll be lucky if i don't knock him out."

•••

people are starting to show up. dallon isnt with me, which makes me panic. i went to go sit on the couch, trying to calm myself. doesnt help when ryan walks in and walks over to me. "whats up, bren? havent seen you in some time," he says, acting like the texts didnt even happen. i open my mouth to speak, but dallon comes up to us and wraps his arm around my waist. ive never seen dallon act this way before. yeah, hes protective and all. theres just a hint of dominance along with that side of protectiveness.

i look up at dallon who is giving ryan a wide, fake, smile. "hows it going, ryan? bout time i meet cha." i notice theres a tone to dallons voice, i just cant lay my finger on it. ryan and dallon have a conversation for a bit as well. that tone kept its way throughout the whole conversation. ryan ended up asking if him and i can talk alone. "actually, i have to do something with him first, pretty boy." thats when it hit me. dallons drunk and hes mad. thats not a good sign.

dallon ended up throwing me onto a wall and smashing his lips onto mine roughly. i can tell hes needy, and wants to show what is his and only his. hes never been like this. he always tells people to back off, just not like this. i can practically feel ryans gaze on us as we harshly make out.