During November

Chapter 2 - Blair

Chapter 2: Glass Cage

Thinking that we were indestructible. That was our downfall. That's where we went wrong.

We strut the streets, heads held high, hand in hand and told ourselves that nothing could touch us, all the while our eyes were closed, blinding us to the incoming storm that we walked towards. We all felt the rain, all heard the thunder, but we saw no lightning through the dark interior of our eyelids. We were so concentrated on nothing touching us, nothing hurting us, that we were destroyed from the inside out, with our interlocked hands, blind eyes and destructive thoughts.

In the end, our only enemy was ourselves. And I am so tired of being the enemy. So sick of being the one who stands back and pretends she can't see what's going on right in front of her. I am done with being the one to blame.

Maybe that's why I did what I did. Why I do what I do. To redeem myself. To find myself again. I finally realised the truth, I finally did what I needed to do. I looked at what and who I was surrounded by, let go of my demons' hands, came face to face with reality, and let myself succumb to the storm of thoughts raging in my head.

It's been six years since, and while my memories are a little foggy, I can still remember clearly the darkness. The silence. The vulnerability. After thirteen years of living in my own dream, I woke up, only to find no one, nothing waiting for me. Just my thoughts engulfing me, my tears cascading down my cheeks and the hard wooden floor that held me while I cried.

All the while you sat in the hallway, listening to my sobs, silent as death, allowing darkness to swallow me whole. You can blame it on me, you can blame it on the broken glasses or the alcohol or the drugs, but that doesn't change the fact that you knew, and you did nothing.

Maybe you've forgotten, dear brother, but I will always remember what you did, what you didn't do and why you did it. Maybe, dear brother, you think I'm the one who's forgotten. Maybe, dear brother, I'm not the only one who needs to keep their eyes open.

I spent thirteen years of my life in a prison that I built with the help of my brother, my father, and my demons. When I left that house, I thought that maybe I would finally break free of the bars surrounding me, but instead I put myself in a cage of glass, and that seems so much worse. Inside my prison, I was safe, I was protected, but when everything and everyone around you is so fragile, the vulnerability begins to eat you up, swallow you whole. You become your own predator.

That's who I am now. The nineteen year old girl in a glass cage, terrified of the slightest crack in my unstable world of dust and death. I'm even more afraid of the insanity creeping into my mind. It's deadly silent, yet all I can hear are screams. I don't know who they belong to anymore. Whether they're my own or someone else's. Just this constant ringing in my head.

I won't blame my downfall on my brother, or my father or my demons. I won't blame my failure on the world or the streets I walk alone. I only have myself to blame.

Because I chose this path. No one forced me to walk. It was my choice.

And I will spend every tedious hour, every exhausting day where my legs feel too heavy for my body and my feet are aching and bloody, regretting leaving you at the crossroads. But please, dear brother, know that I had to leave you. If I was going to diminish my demons, then I had to let you go too.

I know you're hurting, but so am I. My head is pounding with your screams, my shoulders are aching with the weight of our secrets, my eyes are stinging with tears I refuse to shed.

I stay strong. Not for you, not for me, for them. For the ones I have to protect. From my glass cage I watch and from my glass cage I scream and from my glass cage I cry, but I will put on my big girl clothes and put on my mask to hide the destruction that lies beneath.

I will protect them, even if it means I have to destroy myself. I will redeem myself even if it takes my last breath to do so. I will be the protector I was destined to be.

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So this chapter was a bit of a mess but I hope you still liked it. Leave any feedback you have! And thank you for reading!