Scribbles at Sunset

A Heart of Broken Dreams

AN ECHO. Heartbreak was like an echo of what once was.

     It was like the sound of the hollowed out plunk of a dropped stone down a wishing well. And you, the stone that kept plunging down down down into the unknown abyss— holding onto that one wish, one hope, one dream. Then you hit rock bottom, only to find out that it was dark and bleary and goodness, it hurts.

     It hits you then: the thought that you had risked everything for that dream— because that stone? That stone was all you had. And you willingly jumped and fallen all for that one wish. All for him.

     Now, as I sat by the windowsill, staring down at what I held in my palms, I felt bitter. While the whole world saw chocolates, laughter and love in the symbol of two touching curves that made up a heart; I saw acrid sweets, salty tears and a reminder of what once was.

     In my hands was a tiny, heart shaped box. And inside it was a ring. My engagement ring.

     I could almost relive the moment with the briefest shut of my eyes. A memory of forest green eyes and of debonair dancing in a night of luminescence and gentle touches. Memories so fresh and tender, only a few weeks old, but how come it feels like centuries ago?

     Before I knew it, a tear had leaked from my right eye which traveled down the curve of my cheek and traced the edge of my jaw, reaching the center of my chin and disappeared into the carpet below. Then the rest of the tears fell. One after the other, they continued cascading until all I could manage to let out were sobs and hiccups.

     My eyes found the grubby love seat, a second hand furniture I bought at a garage sale and suddenly, my mind was reeling from images of his arms wrapped around my body in a cocoon of warmth. I tore my gaze away and landed on the baby blue linen bed sheets where memories of our bodies intertwined, limbs tangled together like a braided knot in a night of ecstasy and pure love. 

     I clamped down on the insides of my cheeks, trying so desperately to keep the tears at bay. Everything. Every damn thing reminds me of him. I stood up abruptly, took my coat with me and exited the apartment complex I was living in. I couldn't stay there—a place where moments with him invaded me.

     I breathed in the fresh scent of spring, an ironic contrast to my gloom. I hugged myself for a moment before I started strolling the street with a heavy heart and before I knew it, I found my feet leading me towards a familiar pathway almost unconsciously.

     And there I was... in our place. Where we first met.

     "Toby! Toby, no!" Came a voice from behind me but I paid no attention to it. I carried on reading with the afternoon sun beating down the park which painted it a picturesque look.

     "Toby, don't!"

    Confused, I turned around in time to see a golden retriever come barreling towards my way. To my utter horror, it bounded and landed on top of me. I toppled down to the grass, letting out a grunt as the dog hovered over me and began nipping at the bright red band that tied back my bright blonde hair. Without any hesitation, I began shying away from it. My muscles clenched as panic seized me and then I was frozen in fear.

     Then the weight lifted from on top of me and I was met with the greenest pair of eyes I had ever seen, followed by the view of a hand that stretched out to me. "I'm so sorry. Are you okay?"

     I blinked repeatedly, ignored the hand and stared at the golden retriever in fright. Thank goodness it moved a few meters away from me, rolling around the grass with my red ribbon. I took a deep breath and took the offered hand.