Between The Lines

An Open Letter To Alexis (2016)

I've only got two options and loving him is out of the box. It's like choosing between a carrot and an orange wherein I don't like even a bit of taste of them but hunger would eventually kill me if I don't eat. I got tired of chasing him so I chase myself instead. Myself, who is trapped within the labyrinth of unrequited love. It's not an "I Love You, Goobye" song nor a "Let It Go", it's an "I Can't Make You Love Me" melody. Is it too soon or is it too late? No, I don't want to know because either way, it will break me. The game of love I've been playing is already finished. It's a checkmate not because the King was trapped but because the Queen surrendered. Yes, I give up. Not because I don't love him anymore but because I'm losing myself in the process of loving him. I lose. Not because I stopped feeling the same feelings anymore but because I got tired of chasing him. He make me feel unwanted and unloved but then, I can't hate him so I hate myself instead. I hate how his smile can makes me happy. I hate how a single text from him can makes me smile. I hate how I stalked his Facebook posts. I hate everything related to him. Or should I say, I hate myself for being too stupidly inlove with him.
Was I too dramatic? Or was I being realistic? Or was I trying to convince myself that this is the right thing to do? Well... No time for doubts now.
Sayonara, Ai.