... I still wonder why and how I ended up in this place. When all you can wish is just another sheet of paper to write on or another page of book to catch your rolling tears.
You were just casually talking to one of your friends. You knew him for a long time but then he revealed something that barely surprised you. He told you that he once had a relationship with one of your former church mates.
Back then you would often see them hanging out a lot, much often with just the two of them, but their relationship only lasted for a month because it was forbidden by the church system.
Then you suddenly remember this guy that once made your heart beat fast just by his mere existence by your side. Everything came back in flashes; you remember the memories you thrown to the deepest part in your mind.
Those late night talks which once made you feel the happiest person. You suddenly remembered how you would start to like him from a far. You remembered everything that was associated with his name.
From the simple glances you once made every time he played that instrument to the way he would talk to you like you were the only person in the room.
He was the first person who made you feel special. Back then you were satisfied that you like him, but then you grew this feeling, this hopeless thought that he also had feelings for you.
Time went by fast but you’re still waiting for him to tell that hopeless thought you’re wishing. Three long years have passed but he never said anything. You felt very frustrated by the fact that you wasted a huge amount of time to something that was unsure.
You felt cheated by your own heart. By that time you started to blame yourself for trusting your feelings way too much.
You promised yourself that you wouldn’t waste any of your time for him, though you knew it would be hard for you since you see him once a week.
But you tried your hardest to erase that feeling that you once spoiled in your heart, and finally you succeed. You didn’t know when the exact time your feelings had faded, but you were happy that you moved on from your foolish expectations.
You focus yourself studying because you believed it would be the best profitable diversion you can use.
Every memory of him came back like they were yesterday. You knew better that you should ignore these thoughts.
How come you are thinking of someone when just yesterday, you were sure you like someone from your class. This guy was your classmate in your minor subjects from last year until now.
You became group mates in many subjects, as you grew closer with each other you never thought that he would like you for real. You never said anything at first but his sweet gestures proved you that he’s really serious in what he said.
You were thrilled to think that someone from your class likes you more than a friend. I don’t know if you really like him from that time or you just convinced yourself that you like him too, but one thing’s for sure is that you like the feeling being treated with care.
Until that fateful day came and he said those three words you never expect him to say. You were shocked but you knew that this day would come. He said he would wait for you until you were ready, because the foolish you gave him the assurance that you will answer him yes when the right time comes.
You like this new feeling that you were being treated like a soft glass that should be handled with care.
So now, how come the memory of that first guy you liked came back to you like that?
You started to think that maybe, just maybe if this first guy ever liked you, he never admitted it because that is forbidden between the two of you.
Half of your mind thinks that you should thank him for doing that but the other half tells you that what if’s. What if he never did liked you in the first place?
But just like how your hopeless thought conquer your mind, your foolish self wants to believe that he really did like you once in his life, or maybe until now.
But now, you had someone that likes you and you said you like. Wait, did you really like that second guy or were you just thrilled that he likes you? You have many questions sin your mind but you chose to disclose it.
Well, have you really stop liking that first guy?
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