Classy Collection of Sad Short Stories

It Ain't Me

I'm sorry.

I've been trying for too long to think of other words besides saying an apology. But you know what? I think you don't deserve it,when you didn't become completely honest with me in the first place. Maybe from the start what I have felt for you was nothing more than a set of meaningless attraction from someone who once supplied me daily with flattery.

Sure, you know how to do the talk. You always do your escape routes at everything by talking your way out of it. The first time I realize that I don't really like you, I felt guilty. Who wouldn't? You know all the right words I want to hear and you're always a gentleman. I know that it's my fault to lead you on when in fact, my vision of our future becames blurry inside my head. You know what's worst than feeling guilty? It's the sense of shame I felt within myself, I would stay awake at night thinking how I would make things right again. I would always think of ways how to tell you the ending you're not looking forward to, in a way that will just sting for a moment. I tried to look everywhere, but I never found one.

Yes, you were hurt all because of me. I never imagine things would end that way, I never had the slightest idea of how it would all went down. Because after I realize that your a keeper, day by day, I would slowly encript your name in my future, but you were that food in my tongue that became tasteless inside my mouth. For me, you were that something I would like to have but will end up getting disgusted by it at the end of the day. And for that, I hate myself, because how come a person like you ended up with someone horrible like me. I was embarrassed and angry at myself for wasting your time.

Then I learned something from you, something I wish I never insisted to know. But you know, thanks to that dirty little secret of yours, I think I don't need to be ashamed for myself anymore, when you're just as horrible as me. I know that you don't have a clue of what I'm saying right now. Yes, you wouldn't expect something like that would spread and slap me in the face and wake me up to the real world I should live in. For some months, I thought I wasted your time, turns out my time was the one wasted. I know that I'm acting immaturely with this, but this is the only way I can free myself in being haunted by your tough built facade of cleanliness.

Maybe I broke you but you know, I broke myself too by trying to fix my messed up head. You're that someone I wish I never liked. You're that someone who disgusts me more than anyone. You're that someone, I wish I could curse everytime your silhouette can be seen where I'm at, but you know I'd rather fake a smile and look you in the eye. Since now when I look at you, it feels like I can see you naked with your deepest and your most disgusting self presented in a clean skin and bones.