What is depression? Many will tell you it's sadness because of a lack of what you want. Many people with this condition are shot down with that stupidly ignorant question and later found hanging from the ceiling.
Depression is not a joke — not a fluke or an act to get attention. It's a mental condition that needs attention. My own "Christian" therapist didn't even know what it was. However, when you read up on basic psychology, it is almost explicitly defined. How can people ignore things such as this? Do they think it's a rare thing to happen to everyday people? Have they ever thought of what it must be like to feel that way? What are they trying to prove? Questions like these are the ones that regularly pop up in my head.
Oh, and my head. Buzzing with thoughts, it is. Day and night I think until I simply collapse of exhaustion. All I want is rest, is that a plea for attention? Together are we who are plagued with anxiety, depression, and constant self-depreciation. We are not weak. Those who are "normal" are most definitely not strong (especially in the mind). They simply haven't gone through what we have. How could they know? They will never know how very wrong they are about people like us.
Here is a list of things that I think about on a regular basis:
• I am a burden
• my sadness could be fake
• I don't feel like living or getting up. How can I possibly do anything for you or myself?
• It's raining every day, but only on me.
• Why do I look so grumpy to everyone else?
• Smile and make people laugh, maybe it'll rub off on you
• would I die if...
• I always eat too much or too little
• People are pointing out that I don't seem to be giving back to those who give me "the world"
• I am an ungrateful piece of shit
• Maybe I'm a selfish sociopath
• what'll happen once I die?
• I'm so tired. I'm tired of everything
• can I sleep myself into a happy person?
• why's my straight face a frown?
•Why don't I enjoy anything I used to?
•I want to stop existing
These are the thoughts of at least one person with depression. Everyone effected by depression has had one of them, in any form.
I'm always looking for a way out. I use an idiotic , free E-book as a fucking diary.
I'd say help me, but I don't deserve it. Also, this might not be my real mindset. You'll never know...
Have a nice day,
Garrett G.
YOU ARE READING
Self to Note
De TodoNote to self that speaks. The introduction explains more, but the point blank explanation is perhaps what could be called long poetry without rhyme or rhythm. It is a collection of thoughts that may or may not be true.
