BEYOND THE SHELL

CHAPTER FOUR: SUCCESS AND FAILURE

While the definition of success differs from society to society and from person to person, it is true that everyone wants success. The image one has of what success is determines the direction he takes to secure the same, and more importantly it determines the quality of life that one lives. A misguided definition of success leads to a low quality life.

To the dysfunctional human mind success is simply standing out or being prominent. For you to stand out it means that there must be a comparison between you and the masses; you must be above the 'ordinary man' to be prominent; you must separate yourself and rise above others. The incorrect assumption behind this craving for rising in the social ladder is that the higher one goes the happier be becomes.

I am sorry to say but this kind of success generated happiness does not last and sometimes it is never even there. I say so for two main reasons. The first reason is that the mind feeds us with a false notion that there is a time when we will get so much success that we will be content and happy ever after. It always shows us what we need to achieve to be happy, but when we achieve that, it draws our intention to another goal. It is impossible for a mind possessed man to achieve his goals and be satisfied, he will always find new land to conquer. Due to this unquenchable thirst for making achievements, the life of untransformed person becomes an endless race, chasing happiness thinking in it lies happiness. It took a great revelation for me to see this is what I was doing with my life.

I come from a family where both my mother and father were teachers. Being the last born, at the age of four, everyone in the family was going to school; my brothers as pupils and my parents as teachers. Like every other kid, I thought that everything the elder members of the family did was fun, and so I longed for the day I would start going to school like the rest of the family members.

When the day came for me to join school, I woke up before everyone else. In my mind this was the day my happiness would start. When I was taken to school, however, things were not as I expected. Unlike at home where there was no rigid routine and no much responsibility was expected of me, in school it was mandatory to be in class at certain times and I had to take care of my stationary. Responsibility is no fun, especially when you are that young. School failed to provide the happiness that I expected. I would soil my clothes, displace my pencils and damage my books and I was reprimanded for it.

I slowly adapted to school life and soon I was aware that the pupils who could read and write well were praised and rewarded. I made reading and writing my goal. I believed that if I became the best pupil in academics then I would be showered with admiration, praise and gifts and this would give me the happiness I wanted. I topped for the first time when I was in class four. I was excited, my teachers, parents and brothers congratulated me. I was on the top of the world. The excitement never lasted long though, it faded away in less than a week and my default condition of seeking happiness was back.

I made a new goal which I hoped would bring me lasting happiness. I decided to work hard despite being at the top of the class, improve my grades so that I could finally pass the KCPE exam and be admitted to my secondary school of choice. My hard work paid and I passed the final exam and I was admitted at Saint Mary's Boys, Nyeri, a school I greatly admired.

When I attained my dream however, the happiness deflated like a punctured tyre. Two years into secondary education, I could not derive any happiness from looking at my primary education certificate, the same certificate I worked for hoping to get lasting happiness. But that never bothered me I believed that if I could now pass my KCSE exam and be admitted to the university to study engineering then, happiness would follow. Again my dream of being admitted to the university to study engineering came true but the happiness was disproportionately smaller than what I expected and it never lasted long.