The Desi Diaries

Mega 200

6.022 X 10²³ the taste of India

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Friend: aur behen kya kar rahi hai

Me: kuch nahi bas so kar uthi hu

Friend: sahi hai behen, set hai tu to, maze le rahi hai, aage nikal gayi, bhool mat jaiyo hume

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Rule #1 of being a Desi:

Say "dekh teri bestie aa rahi hai" to your best friend when someone they hate enter the room.

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When someone repeats what you said a few minutes ago:

"Maine kya farsi me bola tha?"

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When someone asks a stupid question when you're done ranting:

"Yha Ramayana khatam ho gayi or ye pooch rhi hai Raam kaun tha."

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Duniya me sirf do log tumhari sabse zyada chinta karte hai:

1. Tumhari maa

2. Jo banda tumhe cheekh kar tumhari scooty ke stand ke baare me batata hai.

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Whites: another day another dollar

Browns: another day another daal

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Desi 'feminists':

"We want equality. We are as strong as men. Strike that, we are better."

Also, "bhaiya aapko sharam nahi aati. Ek aurat khadi hui hai aur aap abhi bhi apni seat par baithe hai."

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During Exam Time:

At 10 the previous night: hmm...hmmm...haaaahaaaaa...lalalalalallala...zindagi sawaar du ek nayi bahar tu-

1 hour before the exam: DUNIYAHIBADALDUMAITOPYARASACHAMATKARHUMAIKISIKASAPNAHUJOAAJBANCHUKAHUSACCH-

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Is she even your mom if she doesn't force you to do stuff. It's science.

F=ma

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Shaka laka boom boom's pencil was only useful because ​Sanjoo was good at drawing. If I ever get it, my house will be full of unlabelled amoeba.

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Are you even Desi if you don't think your chai doesn't taste better in a specific cup?

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At a Delhi PVR:

Me: a veg burger please and a Coke

Him: should I vomit?

Me: what?

Him: I vomit?

[A pause]

Me: ah yes, please warm it.

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I don't understand Bollywood. When a wife cheats, the movie is called 'Murder' but when men cheats, it's called 'Grand Masti'.