Hope

Chapter 7 - The Silent Monologue

The next day after Celia had given the letters to Lucian, she went to visit Lucian after school without her letter as she still hadn't got a clue she should be writing about. The class' lessons were less than the two days before, so Celia and Lucian's class could go home early. As Celia was walking in the hospital's corridor, she saw the doctor she saw the day before in Lucian's room. For a doctor, he was doing nothing at all and was just looking around the other doctors and nurses before he noticed Celia approaching Lucian's room.

"Ah, wait!" The doctor called, making Celia stop, "You're the girl I saw yesterday, right? Oh, yes you are! I've never been wrong with faces in my entire life! Uh... do you have a moment?"

"Maybe... And you are?" Celia asked, a little annoyed with the doctor's behavior.

"Doctor Harrison. I'm working with Doctor Li to help Lucian recover," Doctor Harrison gave her a short introduction before he let out a sigh, "Speaking of Lucian... I'm afraid that I heard Doctor Li saying that his condition is getting much, much worse than before..."

"N-No way..." Celia's heart sank instantly, "B-But... I saw that he was completely fine yesterday! Maybe a little pale, but other than that he's completely fine!"

"I'm afraid it's due to his shock again... But I'm quite certain that he will recover instantly if he goes through a big surgery," Doctor Harrison tried to cheer her up, but it didn't seem to work as much, "But if there's anyone to blame, it's Doctor Li. If he hadn't been so slow in working, Lucian would have been much better than ever by now!"

"Yes, it was indeed my fault, Doctor Harrison," Doctor Li suddenly came from behind Doctor Harrison, surprising both the American doctor and Celia, "But being slow is much better than being a doctor who does nothing to help his patients and instead begs for money."

"D-Doctor Li! What are you doing here? You're supposed to be in room 303 by now!" Doctor Harrison said, getting a nod from the Chinese doctor.

"Yes, I'm already on my way there. I've just finished in room 110 and I was going to the third floor when I heard you talking about Lucian," Doctor Li replied before he continued, "Lucian can't take any kind of heart surgery in his current condition. His heart is getting weaker and the risk for him will be too great for him to take."

"Is it... that bad?" Celia asked quietly, hoping for a satisfying answer.

"I'm afraid so, young lady..." Doctor Li frowned and turned to Doctor Harrison, who left the group in annoyance, "Doctor Harrison's idea for a surgery might be able to help him, but I doubt his weakening heart will be able to take it. He's currently resting, but you may go and see him. Just don't wake him up."

"Yes, thank you..." Celia replied shortly and quietly before she went into Lucian's room.

Unlike usual, the curtains almost completely blocked the sunlight coming into the room. Leaving only a small space for the sunlight to come into the room and with the lights turned off, the room was darker than usual. Infrequent beeping sounds could be heard coming from the heartbeat monitor with its cables attached to Lucian's chest area.

Celia approached Lucian's bed quietly and leaned her silver backpack on the small drawer under the table. She quietly dragged the chair closer to his bed before sitting on it, not taking her eyes off Lucian. A frown was on her face as she held Lucian's left hand with her hands, holding it closer to her chest before tears started falling down from her eyes.

-Celia's POV-

But why? Why him? Why now? Why did I have to have this kind of feeling for him? Why did it have to be him I fell for? And why did the time have to be now, out of all times? A kind person he was, but why did he have to go through such suffering? I just wished... that he would have a happy life... with whoever it was that he liked. He deserved to be happy, not to suffer!

I wiped my tears away and leaned on his bed, still holding on to his hand. I looked at the monitor and saw his weak heartbeat. I turned to look at Lucian, and noticed how pale his face was. Despite the darkness, I could somehow see that Lucian's face had barely any color. It was too pale, worse than I had seen before.

I put my head on his bed, and I suddenly saw the letters our classmates wrote for him. Our classmates, who barely knew him, wrote a letter each. As for me, the one who knew him the longest, didn't write anything to him. I couldn't imagine how disappointed he was. But then, why would he be disappointed?

I took the opened letters and looked at them. There were a few with bad handwritings, and there were a few who only wrote a few sentences. Just a few sentences. Those words echoed in my head as I remembered Lucian telling me that even a single sentence was okay and that he would accept it. But I knew that I had more than just a sentence to tell him. I just didn't know how I should write them in the form of a letter as I hadn't written a single one before.

To think about my feelings for him again... made me feel confused. I wanted him to know, even if he didn't want us to be together, but I was too afraid. I was too afraid that I would break our friendship. I was too afraid that I would be nothing but a burden to you. I was afraid that I would hurt you, even more than you were feeling now.

I kept going with my monologue inside my head, until I noticed the change of the sunlight's color. It was almost sunset and I had to go home. I rose from my seat and took my silver backpack and walked towards the door. I held on to the doorknob, but I turned to look at Lucian once more. Seeing him in such a bad condition completely crushed me, but I had to stay strong for him. I wanted to be a strong woman for him.

-Normal POV-

With the sadness in her eyes, Celia left Lucian's room and closed the door. She looked at the door and held her right hand to her chest, determination replacing the sadness in her eyes. She took a deep breath and curled her hands into fists.

'I promise, Lucian... I will write you a letter, even if it costs me the whole night without sleeping!'