Petty SideChick : Curvaceous Woman

Chapter 16

Jeremy cooked chilli and servers it with bread sticks and baked biscuits. He lit candles and scattered Rose petals on the floor in the kitchen. He even bought a fine glass of 1840 Argentina white wine and filled the atmosphere with classical music.

Regular girls would swoon over his unrealistic romantic aura but not me. In fact I found it rather sad. He was doing all these kind and sweet things that would be hard for us later. History is never forgotten, don't make history with someone temporary. Feelings always connects us to the past present and future. Ladies there is no such thing as 'forget that idiot and move on'. We can move on only when those feelings aren't important to us, but it is hard to let go of what we thought meant the world.

Often times woman mistake not letting go of someone with not letting go of our feelings. Sometimes the person carry little to no importance to us but it is the feeling that we've invested in that person we hold onto. Honestly, those feelings will either change, or always be the same until they are no longer important to us, they still exist but the value they carry won't.

So when Jeremy kissed my lips and held me tight that night, my mind shift to the day when he will leave. No more kisses, touches, or warm cooked meals. Eventually we will have no more of something that started with nothing.

I watched him sleep soundlessly, resting his head on my bare stomach. Hugging the life out of my waist while I gentle play with the curls on his head. Looking over at the night Stan the clock reads 2am in the morning. I wasn't able to fall sleep since dinner. Since he kissed my lips and held my hips not realizing that he was whispering sweet nothing into my ears for the first time.

"I wish I could lay in your arms forever"

"Your scent is intoxicating I want to bask in it"

"Your the prettiest woman I've ever met"

You know what I realize about sweet nothing? They are always said when your caught up in your feelings. Sweet nothings are nice words that don't have any meaning.
I slipped out of bed and put on my nice black fury robe. In the cool early morning I brew myself a cup of coffee and took up my file to work. Just then I remembered 'Justin Elliot'.

So I logged onto Facebook and sign into  'Justin Elliot' Facebook account and without hesitation I typed in the name that has wrong my life.
Nothing, her account came up but I saw nothing it was then that it hit me.
Justin Elliot has been blocked.
Laughing to myself I entered my Facebook account and login. Her post was the first thing on my feed.
'I'm going to live life with my daughter and fiance happily and no one is going to stop that. Not a measly hater who clearly don't have a life, Not a bunch of fat losers I don't care about  and definitely not a dead bitch'

I grasp, the air was knocked out of me. Literally.
My eyes pool water for so many reasons, but mostly for the utmost disrespect for the dead. The girl who she lead to death. The girl who couldn't love her self. The girl who also could have been me.
What did he see in a woman like that?
In such a monstrous woman?
A heartless, complete evil witch?
I used one hand to cover my mouth, the tears kept flowing. I would have been dead right now if Trish and her weird nerdy friend didn't open the bathroom stall back then. Would she say the same thing about me too?

Would I just be another unimportant life wasted and just another dead girl to her.
No guilt, no remorse.
I shut my eyes tightly unable to stop the sobs and grasp coming from my mouth.

"Kam?" I heard his voice behind me and I quickly shut the laptop lid  down. I turned and looked at him frightened like a dear caught in the headlights.

What did he see in that monster?

"Kam?" He asked again stooping down to me.
Just what kind of guy is he to sleep with such a woman?
What kind of woman was I to entertain such a man?
"Are you OK?" He asked touching my hands and I quickly reverted my hands away from him.
His face showed a urge of worry and panic. "Kam? What is wrong? Tell me" He asked again touching my legs.
Those same hands he used to touch that monster. I quickly stood up and back away from him.
The heartless disgusting monster he is engage to.
Repulsive. I used my hands to cover my trembling lips.
Heartless and disgusting.
"Get out" I mumbled.
Slowly backing away into the bathroom.
"What is going on?!" He started raising his voice.
"You're disgusting, get out!" I yelled.
"I don't want to see you, I don't want to touch you I don't want to have any connections to that!" I screamed.
How could he sleep with a woman like that?
Love a woman like that? Or even eat from a woman like that.
He has to know what she is like. He must know.
A bile rose to my throat and I rushed to the bathroom toilet and puked out all the food I ate earlier. He stood at the bathroom door, horror taking over his face. I hang my head in the toilet and cried.
I could have been her, the dead girl. That's what cut me deep like a sword.
Long after he finally came into the bathroom and hugged me from behind, while stoking my hair  he said.
"I don't know what's wrong but whatever it is you'll get over it"
The truth is I would NEVER get over it.