Relief - horan

four

❝hello, i miss you quite terribly,❞

☾

Memory:

"Niall stop." I kicked his leg in return.

"Then stop s-shoving me." he grunted as he pushed my body a bit down the hill.

"Niall! Don't do that! It's too dark and you almost made me roll down the hill!"

"You mean like-this!" he laughed as he pushed me down the hill. I couldn't stop laughing when I made it down to the bottom. I heard more laughter when I looked up the hill to see Niall rolling towards me, I was about to move but he crashed into me. We tumbled a few times before we came to a stop. I hadn't realized it but I clung onto his shirt, we were now laying side by side, catching our breaths. "You're so stupid!" I laughed and hit his stomach, causing him to laugh as he flinched dramatically away. We fell back into silence, watching the stars. I couldn't tell you how long we laid there but we ended up counting stars and pointing out satellites. "I'm just-" I looked over at him to meet his eyes."Exactly where I want to be." he said and breathed out like a big weight had been taken off his shoulders. If only I could just tell him how much he meant to me. I want this to last forever.

Wake up

Aubrey

Wake up

You're dreaming again

My eyes snapped open. I sat up and instantly put my pounding head in my hands. I felt something wet on my cheeks. I looked down at my hands that seemed to have water on them. I put a hand up to my cheek again. I was crying. The dream of Niall had been too real for me to handle. I untangled my legs from my duvet and sluggishly walked into my bathroom, turning on the light. Feeling too much of nothing, I turned the sink on to cold and splashed the water on my face. Keeping my eyes shut so no water could go through, I reached for a hand towel. I dabbed my face and let the towel fall on the floor next to my feet. I gripped the sink tightly, hunching over in agony. Why did I have to dream about Niall? My lip quivered and I did nothing to stop it or suppress the urge to cry. I looked up in the mirror; my hair was even worse than it was and the dark circles under my watery eyes seemed to darken. The smell of snickerdoodles was vibrant. I started to sob. Covering my face with my shaking hands. Snickerdoodle is what Niall always smelt like. I felt my body being turned around and being pressed into someone's chest, their arms wrapping around me tightly. My body violently shook when snickerdoodles was the only air that filled my lungs.

When I looked up, I saw a blonde haired, blue eyed beauty. I felt my body weaken. I threw my arms around Niall. "I t-thought y-you w-were d-dead." I hiccuped, leaning as far as I couldn't into Niall's chest. He was warm. "I missed you so much. I'm sorry I killed you Niall. I'm so sorry." I cried even harder, pressing my face deeper into his chest while Niall whispered soothingly into my ear. He lightly swayed me back and forth.

"H-how are you h-here?" I coughed to clear my burning throat due to crying.

"I'm always here." he smiled down at me. Then something in him changed.

I thought I heard a plane crashing but it was just his passion snapping.

"Don't cry over me, Aubrey. I'm not worth it." he said sternly. I backed up a bit.

"Niall-you're my best friend." I looked at him baffled. He just stared at me. Niall still looked perfect; skin like porcelain, his hair styled up with the look of his hand had ran through it.

"Why did you jump after me, Niall?" I begun to feel angry. He didn't answer.

"People are telling that I tried to kill myself, Niall? Is this true?" tears were frantically spilling down my cheeks, I now felt infuriated. I shoved Niall back but he didn't move an inch, he's still stronger than me even when he's dead.

"Why did you have to jump in after me, Niall?!" my voice growing louder.

"I killed you! I fucking killed you! Why did you come back to me? You should hate me for what I did, Niall!" I yelled. I shoved him back again.

I stormed off, walking in front of my window, trying to see the stars-to count them, but there was too many clouds hiding them away. A warm pair of hands covered my shoulders, not wanting to turn around to give him any form of satisfaction, but I’ve missed him for so long, I couldn’t risk missing an opportunity to see him one last time because God only knew when I would see Niall again. Prying my eyes away from the moon seeping through the clouds, I turned to see Niall beside me, tears in his once oceanic eyes that were now dull and grey.

"When I was with you in the hospital room, you told me you had something to say, but you couldn't say it." Niall whispered, his voice coming out hoarse and scratchy. I nodded my head frantically, my body weak trying to process this all at once. With the moon shining bright through the window, the natural light played on Niall’s features, I was almost disturbed how real he was, how I could touch him, his skin was as soft as I could remember.

"I wanted to tell that I've always dreamed to kiss you-but now I can't." although he was a figment of my imagination-or ghost-whatever he was, I was embarrassed to say this; dismissing me for a moment, he sat down on the floor taking me in his arms and rocking us back and forth. He picked his head up to look at me.

"You still can."