Shin-ah x Hak (Akatsuki no Yona)

Part 1

(This is a follow on from Hak x Jaeha, but can be read separately, so here's a quick recap: Hak had to go find Droopy Eyes after he disappeared off after some ladies, Hak found him, but had to spend the night with the drunken Jaeha. Giving in to Jaeha's teasing they spent the night in each other's arms, but now Hak is left wondering about his feelings over that night... it starts with a bit of HakxJaeha, so hang in there for the Shin-ahxHak)

Ahh this was so frustrating. Hak lay in the long grass, the half-moon just barely illuminating the world, arms behind his head. It felt like it had been an age since his encounter with Jaeha, sometimes he'd steal a glance at him remembering it, but Jaeha was acting like he always did. What did Hak expect? To suddenly become all love-dovey? There was no way. He still loved Yona, but Jaeha had given him something that Yona couldn't at the minute. It was only natural, since he was a guy, to want to do those kinds of things now he'd gotten a taste of it. Hak hadn't had a chance to talk about it with Jaeha, since they were always surrounded by the others, he was left wondering where they stood.

Hak laughed humourlessly to himself, running his chilled hand over his face, becoming slightly aware of how cold the night was, with the crickets hopping and chirping around him, as he thought about how much he sounded like a girl. They got caught up in the moment, perhaps that was all it was meant to be. So why was it plaguing his mind so? Hak sighed heavily and just put it down to feeling horny. That was all it boiled down to really, surely.

"You'll catch a cold like this." A quiet voice drifted lazily through the grass, taking Hak by surprise. It was unlike him to be so caught up in his own head that he'd completely forget his surroundings.

Jaeha sat himself down next to Hak, wrapping his arms around his knees.

That was lucky, Hak realised, relieved. A moment later and Jaeha would have found him touching himself, which could have made for an awkward scenario.

"I don't catch colds." Hak murmured back.

Jaeha smiled lightly. "Can't sleep?"

"Something like that." Hak responded vaguely. Could he ask him about it now? This might be his only opportunity for a while. Hak stole a glance at Jaeha, his skin looking pale and flawless in the moonlight, Hak's chest tightened.

Hak sat up, his dampened clothes from the dewy grass sticking to his back, and reached out to Jaeha before the logical part of his reasoning could stop him. He gently took Jaeha by the chin, bringing him in for a kiss. It lasted only a moment, Hak quickly retracted his hand, the warmth from Jaeha's face still lingering in his fingertips and on his lips.

"Hak.." Jaeha's voice was still soft. "What do you think we are?" He asked, twiddling together two strands of grass before him.

"Friends." Hak replied immediately. "Who happened to share an intimate night.." He added more quietly.

Jaeha nodded. Hak was suddenly uncertain, it wasn't like Jaeha had rejected his kiss, but he hadn't reciprocated it either. Did he not enjoy it as much as Hak had? Was he too disgusted to want to do that sort of thing again?

Hak found himself staring down at his feet. He should have known things would get awkward after you cross- no, completely obliterate- boundaries like that.

"Do you not want to...?" Hak found himself asking, his words taking him by surprise, a blush already creeping across his face. He couldn't believe he'd asked.

"I would.." Jaeha admitted hesitantly. Hak could hear a 'but' coming. "But I don't think it'd be a good idea." He finished.

Hak nodded, unable to suppress the feeling of disappointment, it wasn't exactly a shock to hear him say that though.

"Because I don't think it'd mean the same thing to us." Jaeha explained softly.

"Hm?" In Hak's surprise he couldn't stop the small noise of confusion from being vocalised.

"You think you've fallen for me don't you?" Jaeha checked, finally turning to face Hak.

Hak couldn't meet the steady unwavering gaze. He wanted to outright deny it, tell Droopy Eyes he was being stupid, but no words formed. Instead a quiet "I don't know." Is all he could manage.

Jaeha chuckled lightly. "You aren't cut out for casual sex. You've been telling yourself this whole time that such things are supposed to mean something. You wanted to wait for one person, so that it would signify something special. Detaching yourself from such feelings isn't easy, and I'm not going to play with those precious feelings anymore." Jaeha faced up at the moon, his words deliberate but kind.

Hak found himself resting his head on his knees, trying to come to terms and wrap his head around Jaeha's statements. Jaeha's words held the weight of experience, he was more mature and way more used to this, he'd been doing it for so long, trying to never be tied down, he could do such things with no feelings attached. Hak was abruptly aware how true these words rang. He'd always thought that he'd wait for Yona, and it'd carry meaning. He'd so wanted his time with Jaeha to be meaningful. They'd shared such a personal and intimate night, one that Hak had never experienced before, that it was hard not to think of it as something special. So he was the only one feeling it? It wasn't surprising really.

"Aa~ah, I could be wrong." Jaeha flashed a grin. "Maybe you really have fallen for me. I don't mind, either way. But then even more so I wouldn't want to string along your feelings for my own fun."

Hak flopped onto his back again, staring up into the vast sky containing the countless tiny glows of far off stars, and the fireflies closer by imitating them.

"How do I know?" Hak wondered, talking to himself, no longer sure of anything. How would he untangle the mess in his heart?

"You could try sleeping with someone else." Jaeha mused. "See if you fall in love."

Hak could finally bear to look at him, frowning. "I thought you just said I wasn't cut out for that." He grumbled, now wondering whether Jaeha was as wise as he seemed.

"I can only guess. No one can truly understand the way of the heart. I'm simply doing my best to not break yours." Jaeha smiled so brightly for a moment Hak could only see him, making his heart race in his chest.

He's only being considerate of me, the thought filled Hak with a warm feeling that was tinged with sadness. But Jaeha didn't believe his feelings had weight, that they were just shallow lingerings from his ideals about their time together. It was too complicated, Hak couldn't think about it anymore, it would only drive him insane. He couldn't unravel his own heart, it had a mind of it's own.

"Be sure to come back to the campfire, okay?" Jaeha told Hak as he got to his feet, brushing himself off.

"Um-hum."

Hak lay for a little while longer until he was sure Droopy Eyes was long gone, and maybe even asleep, before he too finally pulled himself up and returned to camp, his chest feeling even heavier than before.