Broken

{ Chapter 5 }

When I wake up my eyes are puffy. I sigh from the sleepless night and turn around.

I take a pillow and hug myself with it. Trying to keep my crushed heart inside. I allow the tears and stay there. The conversation with Niall triggered my senses yesterday and I've been tossing and turning thinking about mom. The cancer ate her alive and I watched it all. I try to get the images out of my mind but it doesn't work.

When I'm done crying and I feel worse with a throbbing headache I get up and head downstairs. Dad isn't home today and I don't feel like dressing up.

I have som water to rehydrate and dive in the pile of pillows on the couch. I crawl under a blanket and I let out a growl. I feel myself drifting on the river between sleep and being awake like always and just stay still,wishing I could sleep for once.

I hear the bell ring. When I don't get up the housemaid opens the door. My father probably told her to do so when I don't. Sometimes he has clients come over if they don't know he's gone.

"Hello?"the maid says.

I hear mumbling and catch a few phrases.

"Yeah, I'm here to see her."

I don't get up since I'm not feeling good. I feel someone sit besides me on the couch. I cuddle up in my blanket and don't turn away from the pillows.

"Zayn?" My voice sounds like sand paper.

I feel him put his hand on my shoulder. I reach to grab his hand and hold it. A feeling of rest spreads through my body and I sigh.

It feels weird, it's too soft to be Zayn's. I rub my eyes and turn around to find Naill sitting there.

I jump up and start to move backwards on the big couch.

He bites his lip. "I'm sorry, I had to come check on you. You seemed so upset yesterday."

He looks down, his cheeks red, when he looks up he looks confused.

"Are you crying?" He seems so worried.

I don't know what to say so I just keep silent. My makeup from yesterday is probably everywhere but I don't care.

"Talk to me." He pleads. He moves closer but I move back.

My voice is raw when I talk:" What do you want me to tell you? How bad I feel? Because you won't get it."

He runs his hand through his hair and sighs. "I don't know what I want. I'm just so sorry. I feel so bad."

I think about what to say.

"So you want me to say I feel better so you can go on with your life?"

"No, I'm just so sorry, I never hurt girls like that. You just look so much like her and that kills me.weve had along relationship and she crushed my heart"

His eyes meet mine and he inches closer. His hands grab mine. "Please forgive me."

He looks extremely sad and I can't help but stay I my spot. He pulls me closer and hugs me. His shirt smells like Armani mania.

He keeps me in his hugs for a long time and I feel my tears streaming again. I have never cried in front off anyone and here I am crying with the boy that I only know the name off, a complete stranger that hurt me.

He takes me on his lap and I can't do anything but start sobbing even harder. I hug his neck tighter as he grips me around my back.

He shushes me, telling me everything will be alright. Of course it won't be and he knows.

He smells so good. I feel his muscles strengthen as he tightens his grip.

When I get a hold of myself after a long time, I raise my voice. "Why are you doing this?"

He loosens the hug and looks me in the eyes. "Because I don't want any girl to get upset because I am."

A tear escapes his blue eyes. I smile and swipe it from his cheek.

He hugs me again. He is a real hugger. When he lets go I climb back to my original position and look at him, my head leaning on the couch. He looks back.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Niall's blue eyes focus on mine.

I shake my head and stay silent, hoping he gets it.

"Alright, then we'll talk later."

"Do you want something? A drink or something?" I ask him, changing the subject.

He shakes his head. "I should ask you the same it's already 12 o'clock, have you eaten something today?"

"No, but I don't need it."

He looks at me sternly:" You need to eat. It's unhealthy. I insist on making you something."

I sigh. "Fine, but make it for two because I'm not going to sit here and eat without you eating."

He nods. "Where's the kitchen?" I point to the kitchen and he disappears.

I head upstairs and wash my face. I open my closet and put on the first dress I find. I slip on some sandals and head downstairs while tying my hair in a ponytail, tucking the loose strands behind my ear.

I walk inside and sit on one of the chairs. He's busy making something.

"What are you making?"

"I'm making you eggs because I think eggs are a real lunch food. Oh, and bacon."

I smile. "Why do you think that?"

He turns around and puts his hands in his pockets. "Because eggs are limited to breakfast and if I eat them during lunch everyone looks at me and thinks I'm crazy. So I try to normalize eggs for everyone so we can eat them whenever we want without suspicious looks."

I laugh: "Good thinking." He bites his lip and smiles. I take in the view and wait for him to be ready.

He hands me the plate and I take it. This is a weird thing to do with a boy you don't know but now he might as wel make me breakfast/lunch. Brunch.

We eat in silence and when we finish he looks at me. Half of my plate is still filled with egg. I push it away.

"Do you want to talk about it now?"

I shake my head."It's still to sensitive for me and I don't want to force my problems on you."

His eyes become bigger. "No, no, don't think that. I would love to help you."

I sigh:"You can't do anything about it. It's over and I have to learn to deal with it."

He smiles. "You can't let go off everything. You need to control certain feelings but sometimes it's good to cry and be sad."

I nod."I don't want to be sad right now. But thanks anyways."

He opens his arms and looks at me. I smile and walk into them. His hugs are awesome.

He lets go too soon and I lean on his chest.

When I realize what I'm doing I take a step back, embarrassed.

He chuckles. "Don't ever feel bad for hugging me. I love hugging."

I smile.