The Way We Love

Daddy Loves Me

The road to hell is often silent.
The road to redemption is often clouded.
The road that leads to several possibilities, is often loud.
So the road to understanding must be all...

(Paul's Pov)

The ledge isn't always the highest point or the tip of something. Sometimes the ledge is where we find our lowest points or forget our grounding. The place where we look down and wonder how we will get back up?

The car was silent as we drove fast, leaving our thoughts to string behind us like a row of cans.

Feather slipped her tiny hand into mine and squeezed.

"Ed's going to be okay" she assured me.

I pressed my face against the fog-filled window, watching the vapors disappear where my warm breaths were. I couldn't be comforted right now when I felt like everything was my fault.

Now the people I cared about were paying for it.

"Stop, pull over!" I screamed as a tightness filled my chest.

Figs hit the brakes suddenly, and the tires burned as we halted with unease.

My body trembled, as waves of heat and panic started to tingle up my spine. I felt like a fish without water. In desperation, I flung open the car door, and staggered out, falling to my knees.

The world was changing before me, pixelating, blending and all I could see was a blur of colors as fear crippled me. I crawled around gasping as the sensation of suffocating took over. I had never been so afraid in my life before.

"Feather?" I cried out, as my body shook with high vibrations.

Feather held me tightly as I swayed, "I think he's having a panic attack!" she screamed.

"This is what dying feels like" the words replayed over and over in my mind until it was madness.

The world was crashing down on me, and all I could focus on was how it felt to be crushed under the rubble, of pain and caring too much.

"Look at me and breathe!" Feather yelled, trying her best to calm me down.

I could hear their voices but it felt like I was listening from afar, as they echoed like waves in a tunnel. It was strange and so disconnected from me, but yet I still felt everything.

"I can't calm down!" I tried to scream, but my mouth was dry and my tongue was heavy.

I started to hyperventilate harder, the tears burned my eyes as I fell to the ground, paralyzed. Feather ran to my side, as I dug up handfuls of dirt and grass in my fist, slowly phasing out.

Life is slow like a windmill catching the last breeze of summer. It moves like a tractor plowing through the lands and fields, parting the crops so the seeds could be planted in the winter. It was all a higher design, the deep roots of life, that thrash around in our fighting minds.

It is the deep breaths you inhale when you're trying to let the world out, but sometimes it's still abusive.

It's almost as if you're shaking with energy, rattling at your core, jumping out your skin, and bleeding out. As you hold onto everything you have so tightly.

Then you slip down falling from your vanity and nothing is fair. Instead of landing hard on the ground, you keep falling, spending forever trying to catch yourself...

That's what it felt like to me, and I couldn't stop sobbing and screaming, "It's my fault! It's my fault" I lamented.

"Paul stop kicking!" Feather's voice landed sharply into my senses.