The Way We Love

Love Till Set

I don't miss you.
I just notice more often what it feels like when you're gone.

I don't think about you.
I just recall every single detail that time forgot.

I do not want you next to me.
I would rather savor the pain beneath the phlegm; and feel your body wrapped around me like my sheets.

I don't pray for healing.
I just fall to my knees and cry.

I do not wish to lie,
So I often find myself lonely, and angry at the fact that you died.

(Feather's POV)

We listened to the sonder thoughts of our psyche as we absorbed an inappropriate silence. We waded in the bliss, driving the embers of coal from out of burning hearts. Tonight we didn't need to feel anything, just the dull numbing of paradise.

Paul spoke mechanically, to the officer who was taking down notes. He carried death in his throat and Ed in his heart.

I watched the sheet being pulled over Ed and the Mayor's body, as the ambulance took their corpses away. I took this moment and held on tightly to Paul.

His lip twinged and I felt the dimensions move across time and space. I knew his whole soul was screaming as he fought the urge to lose it all. He wanted so badly to follow Ed.

I looked at the Sutton blue of his eyes, and saw the dark cracking fractures of light being boarded up, like wood against the wind. About seventy five percent of his body was scratched, bloodied, and swollen but I knew he couldn't feel the physicality of being crushed when so much of him was suffering from heartbreak.

"What motives did the Mayor have for pursuing you?" the officer asked taking his statement.

My knuckles cracked in his tight grip as Paul squeezed my hand, he was on the verge of everything, "I gave my statement to my father!" he snapped.

I decided to step in, "thank you, officer but I insist that my friend and I go home. We lost someone today, and if it's okay with you I would love nothing more than to leave" I said politely.

The officer nodded, turning back to Paul, "your father requested you stay with him tonight."

I had recently learned that Paul's father was the Chief of our city, but something about mentioning his name truly brought out the snarling lion.

"Fuck him," he said cursed.

The officer shrugged, going back to the Chief to relay the message.

"This is our cue" I whispered taking this opportunity to slip away.

Paul looked at me gratefully, as we got in the car, "are we visiting Figs tonight?" he yawned.

I shook my head, "No, the last update I received notified me that he was out of surgery but he is way too groggy and out of it, to have any visitors tonight."

Paul raised a tired eyebrow, his bloodshot eyes looked at me curiously, "I didn't see you on the phone, when did you get this information?" he mumbled.

My voice was shaking, "while...while you were spending time with Ed" I said quietly.

Paul nodded, but his hands tightened around the car steering wheel as we drove home in silence.

Spending time was a gracious phrase, the truth was Paul had to be pried off Ed's body by two officers after he laid next to him just sobbing and hugging him for twenty minutes straight. It was the hardest thing I had to watch, and I cried too.

Paul rested his swollen knuckles on my thighs rubbing them with a sweet gesture, as we made our way down the familiar roads.

I felt helpless because I didn't know what Paul needed. It was fresh, and saying "things will get better, or he's in a better place now" didn't quite seem appropriate. His moods rolled in like dark clouds and I just decided that I would be there for him; a beacon in dark.