Linstead OneShots

Twice

"Some nights I wish I could go back in life"
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It was a quiet day at the office. They weren't working on any cases and they were now catching up on paperwork. Jay silently hummed to the song stuck in his head, the team being too focused on not messing up the files to notice. He looked up and only got to see an empty desk. The last time he had seen her was after she had finished her interview with the IA and she met him in front of the district, exchanging a few words.

Things had been tense and awkward between them from the moment Jay went out that door, a bag with clothes in his hand. They tried to bring the normalcy back, tried to act like nothing ever happened and they were back to being just partners and friends. Truth to be told, they missed each other a lot. Sleepless nights full of tossing and turning were finally showing on their faces and the team could sense some distress, but decided to stay silent.

"Problems in paradise?" Adam said at one point when he was alone with Jay in the break room.

"That's none of your business, Ruzek." He replied, slightly annoyed.

"All I'm saying is, whatever is going on with you two, it's pretty obvious you're not exactly on speaking terms and it will only be a matter of time until Voight splits you up as partners." Adam turned to his friend, a half-full mug of coffee in his hand.

"Don't you have your own problems with Burgess?" Jay frowns, putting his cup in the sink a lot more louder than he should've. He exits the break room before Adam could even open his mouth to reply.

But that was a week ago. And Ruzek was right. Voight did split them up and partnered them with someone else. And honestly, Jay could see where Hank came from. I mean, two distracted detectives who barely said 'hello' to each other,working together wasn't exactly ideal.

"So, I read this article, okay? About this..married couple, that bought houses across the street from each other. And, the guy would go over for dinner, they'd eat, they'd have sex..and then go back and work on his hot rod, and they made it work like that for over 42 years without getting divorced." Jay explained to Erin while they were eating breakfast at some diner.

"Okay, so that's your ideal situation.." She trails off, picking up her milkshake and drinking from it.

"I never said ideal."

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They ended up at Molly's later that day. Jay sat by his friends, silently sipping on his third beer that night. Ruzek was telling the others about a takedown, the unit being totally captivated by his story.

"So, Kev and I are running after this guy. He wasn't exactly fast, I mean, that guy had like 200 pounds and was 6 feet tall." Adam sits up from the booth, getting closer to Antonio and Kim as the story progresses. "But then comes Jay who flanks him and they both fall to the ground, the perp takes the fall and if I'm not mistaken, he was basically a pillow and Jay didn't feel ONE thing! Right, Jay?" Adam looks at his friend who certainly was somewhere else than with them, listening to the story.

"Hey bud? You there?" Ruzek waved his hand in front of Halstead's eyes, trying to catch his attention and get him out of his daydream.

"Huh? Yeah, what were you saying? I just.. zoned out I guess." He watched his friends, hoping they didn't really look behind the meaning of his not-so-Jay attitude today.

"I was just telling them about how you managed to knock down a guy twice your size, that's all, but I guess you're just not yourself tonight." Adam stared deep into his eyes. "Hey, you know what? Next round's on me. We're gonna get you veeeeery drunk, Jay. And honestly, as long as I can wipe off that sad look from your face, I really couldn't care less if I paid for all of your drinks." Ruzek threw his hands up and got out of the booth, heading for the bar.

Jay really wasn't himself today. He wasn't himself yesterday, or the day before yesterday, and he's probably not going to be himself tomorrow, or the day after tomorrow. But that's okay. He deserved that. He fucked up. And where there are actions, there are consequences. And maybe this was his punishment for being a stupid ass. The wheel always turns 'round and 'round.

But maybe that damn wheel would stop spinning for a minute, just so he can breathe again. So he can be himself. And that's exactly what he's planning to do tonight. Get drunk and forget it all for a second.

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He found himself laying in bed, alone, feeling the coldness of the sheets next to him, suddenly missing those damn pillows. He was deep in thought; reminiscing about all those amazing moments he had had. He just wishes he could turn back time to the good days. The days when he was completely happy, his heart full of love. Because he misses her. A lot. And there's no reason to deny it. And if he could bet on it, he'd say Erin is feeling the same. But life goes on. And you can't stay behind. So you just have to follow the course the water and see where it leads you.

'Not to change things, just to feel a couple of things twice.'