Linstead OneShots

Missing Someone

"People get drunk.

He was a mess. A drunk mess, to be exact. He made a promise that he wouldn't let make alcohol a temporary solution to his problems. Not again.

But then there he was, standing alone in the corner of a bar far away from his home, nursing a beer. He'd open that whiskey bottle at home, because he needed something stronger.

It's ironic, he thought, how he was drinking the amber liquid that he had received from her. She told him not long ago that his birthday showed up on her Google calendar, so she wouldn't forget it.

It wasn't long ago, but it still felt like it had been years since he last spoke to her. He blamed himself for that. For not being able to save her, him and their relationship.

So he took another shot.

They kiss the wrong person.

He knew it wasn't love.

He wasn't even attracted to her. He just needed something to take his mind away from all the sadness that he dealt with every day since that night.

That night.

He blamed himself for that too. Deep down, he thinks-knows-Voight had something to do with it. She wouldn't just go away. Not like that.

Not without saying a proper goodbye from him, from the unit, from her family.

He knew it wasn't love, because he was still thinking of Erin while he was tangled in Camila's sheets.

It was just something to distract his heart, and he was fully aware of that.

And pretend to be okay.

The guys from the unit knew there was something wrong with him, but he wasn't to blame. Erin left them all,yes, but it didn't hit them as hard as it hit Jay.

After all, she was just their really good friend that made everyone laugh and they trusted with their lives. But for Jay, she was so much more.

She was the love of his live.

She is the love of his life.

He has never,ever loved someone the way he loved Erin. They were that perfect couple that everyone talked about, the one who lots aimed to be. Were.

So no, he is not okay.

But he needs to be, or at least pretend to. If not, everyone will think of him as the guy whose girlfriend left without a goodbye and made him a miserable person.

Although, if you think of it, that's exactly how it is.

People will do anything to distract their heart.

He made a promise to himself that he wouldn't fall down that hole once again. That he wouldn't find comfort in booze and women, that he wouldn't be pass out every night due to heavy drinking.

But he did.

His life is some kind of a sick joke, he thinks. The reason why he is the way he is right now was caused by his actions in the past, and now he is doing them once more.

Some sort of karma. They say after every storm there's a rainbow, but you can't have too much happiness in your life.

He hopes that at least he won't become like his dad, but Jay is too good of a man to follow his steps.

So now, he has a routine.

Wake up. Work. Drink. Sleep. Repeat.

This isn't good for him and he knows it, it's just a temporary solution to his million problems. But it's the only choice.

So for now, it will have to do. Because it's the only way to stop thinking about her and the future they could've had. Because it's the only way he will stop hurting on the outside; there will forever be a pain in his heart.

"They will do anything to distract it from missing someone."