Falling Out of Love (Discontinued Until Adopted By Different Author)

the day i met you & the night you left me

A/N: this whole chapter consists of flashbacks only.

~the day i met you~
It was late May, a week or so after our anniversary of debuting in 2015.
It was 2017 and you were new to Pledis, one of our new stylists for shows and concerts.
Your first day you just happened to be assigned to me. At first we made small talk and I admired your deep eyes and dark hair, you wore eyeliner and it looked good on you.
"So you're the famous producer, right?"
"I wouldn't say famous," I smiled as you applied eye shadow gently making sure not to press hard with the brush.
You treated me like a porcelain doll.
"Don't listen to him," I hear S.Coups's voice as my eyes are closed but he's getting his make up done right next to me.
"I'm not," you say, "You all are getting ready to go on stage for hundreds of people out there and that not even a 10th or your fans. If that's not famous I don't know what is."
I open my eyes and look up to you, you stare at me with a wide grin until you finally speak, "you're gorgeous."
Being in front of the other members I've never blushed so hard.
The same day we swapped numbers and texted all night. Which is when you found out I was bisexual and I found out you were gay. After that we spent the rest of the night making gay jokes.
The next day you asked me on our first date. We went out at night, watched the new Thor movie and after went back to your apartment and made dinner together. We ended that night with more lust than love. I wasn't sure how precious I was to you but you were everything to me.

~the night you left me~
2 months after 2018 rolled around, I was at your apartment, we were laying on the couch watching a Netflix original.
I felt your distant. When you pulled away after I tried to hold your hand. I thought you were just not in mood, or your hands were sweaty.
I didn't know what you were thinking.
I didn't give it much thought, and I should've.
It was near the end of Okja, that I got the sense you didn't want to be very close to me.
I ignored you, and tried even harder to get under your arm for comfort.
You were hesitant but obliged.
After the movie and during the credits we were in the middle of a make out session, your hands under my shirt wrapping around my waist.
I always felt safe with you. Like you would protect me from the world. I knew you would.
Before I know it we were stripping, you were pulling off my shirt after throwing yours aside. There was reluctance in your eyes that I chose to push aside, and try and be deeper in the moment.
You unbuttoned my jeans and helped pull them off briskly.
I always loved how gentle you were. That night was different you were more determined to get it done, and a bit pushy.
I thought you were just trying to be more dominant than usual so I let it go.
There were so many signs that I let slide, that I shouldn't have.
Finishing you were panting from being so rough, I was always a bottom and you the top. Less work for me. I was lazy even during sex.
You kept your eyes closed and I couldn't keep my eyes off you.
I really loved you. I still do.
"I'm sorry," you suddenly mutter, and thinking you were apologizing for being aggressive I only smirk and thank you.
You frown.
You must've been really worried about me, I thought. And I was wrong.
"We shouldn't have done that."
"What do you mean?" I ask, I loved trying new things with you, I didn't see a problem.
"You deserve better."
You were always so insecure. I was too, but that's not the point.
"I couldn't be with anyone else," I reply, trying to encourage you.
You finally open your eyes, I see tears well up. I want to kiss them away as I see them run down your cheeks.
"Don't say that."
"Don't say what?" I'm confused now, I got distracted by your messy sex hair.
"Don't say you can't be with anyone else. You know you can."
"No I can't," I reassured, "I can't."
It's nearing 11:45.
"We shouldn't have had sex I'm sorry."
I didn't know what you were apologizing for.
"We need to break up."
My heart drops and now I'm generally confused with such an offer.
Like I had a choice.
"I should've told you our last anniversary. I couldn't bring myself. You just deserve so much more than this, than me."
Our last anniversary was 3 weeks ago, it was our 10 months.
"I just been so unhappy. I'm sorry I couldn't tell you."
I was too stunned to say anything at first. We were still naked under the covers on the living room couch.
I wanted to disappear.
"I can't give you as much as I wanted to."
"You said you loved me," my voice is shaky but it does not crack.
"I'm sorry."
"Do you not anymore."
"I love you, just not enough."
"What do you mean not enough? We just had sex isn't that enough," I asked, I kept my voice down. I didn't swear raise my voice at you.
"Lust and love are two different things."
"Do you or do you not love me?"
"I love the thought of being in love with you."
"Have you been in love with the thought of being in love with me for the past 10 months? You can't tell a person you love them when you don't mean it," I grab my shirt off the floor slipping it on, I don't care that it's inside out.
"I'm sorry Woozi-ah," tears are flowing down the sides of your face, I don't care enough.
"No your not," I'm struggling to put my pants on, you jump up and slip yours on in seconds it seems. Gathering my stuff I'm heading for the door.
"Come on, let's talk about this. Let's just take a break."
"You just told me you were unhappy with me for the past 10 months-"
"I wasn't always unhappy."
"Then when-"
"Like 6, Maybe 7 months in."
"You asshole."
"Come on you can't be entirely mad at me."
"I'm not mad at you. I'm disappointed," I spat, you're hanging onto my shirt sleeve.
"It's not like you put in more effort than me."
"Fuck you."
"You just did."
"Let go of me," I pull back, you're stronger than me.
"Remember spending weeks in your studio instead of with me."
"I was working."
"So was I but I still made time for you."
"Fuck off. Don't tell me I didn't try. I made you surprise dinners and cookies, organized a surprise party for you. Don't say I didn't put effort into this relationship. Was that not good enough for you?"
"No it wasn't."
"Fuck you," I give you a hard shove and make my way out the door.
"I can't force myself to love you," you yell as I slam your apartment door behind me, skipping steps as I raced out of the building, already dialing S.Coups's number.