Falling Out of Love (Discontinued Until Adopted By Different Author)

Doesnt feel quite real yet

A/N: Italic= flashbacks.

I was in shock when we broke up. It didn't feel real enough to me. I want to say it was mutual  but it wasn't, it was all your choice.
In a way you warned me about your commitment issues.
Yet you still made promises. The biggest promise being, that you would never hurt me.
You broke all of them.
Its been a week since we broke up, and I'm still hurting all the same.

I know the members are worried about me. I try not to show how much pain I'm in and when I need to get away I go to my studio.
The only songs I can write at the moment are all about you.
They show their love and support through little things, like making me coffee in the morning before radio shows or rehearsals. I'll find Seungkwan, and DK stuck to me while we're back stage before shows or concerts. They'll sit by me while I'm playing games on my phone or interview me for 'Going Seventeen'. I have to admit, it cheers me up. Jun will swoop in every moment he can to give me random back hugs, S.Coups does the same.
The rest of the members will do things subconsciously, they'll give me water, a shoulder to lean on (literally), buy me food when I don't ask for it.
It's the little things that really helps.
But now we're in Osaka in Japan and everyone is out while I'm in the hotel room I'm sharing with Joshua and Vernon.
I'm alone scrolling through my music trying to find the right playlist to play.
Today is your birthday and I try to forget but I know it's rude not to tell you happy birthday.
So I send a quick text, press shuffle, and turn off my phone, lightly tossing it to the end of the bed.
It bounces and hits the ground as the hotel door clicks open.
"Woozi-Hyung, we're back."
"Hey."
"Need your phone?" Joshua asks picking it up off the ground, pressing pause on the music that played.
"No just set it over there."
"You alright?" Vernon plops down as he speaks trying to look me in the eyes.
I blink, concentrate on Joshua who's plugging in my phone.
"I'm okay."
"We're going to meet the others down stairs for dinner. It's really nice out so we're all going to eat outside by the pool. Maybe go swimming afterwards," Joshua explains.
"Yeah, okay. When?"
"In like 10 minutes so get ready."
My phone dings, and I ignore it. My heart hurts a little thinking that it's you replying.
You told me you still wanted to be friends and I agreed.
But evening seeing your face as my lock-screen the day after we broke up made me cry. So I knew I couldn't see you in person.
This was particularly hard since you were a staff member. You sometimes had to do our hair and/or makeup but since our break up our manager smartly didn't assign you to us for the next couple of months.

"We have a photoshoot tomorrow," S.Coups announces to all of us as we sit at 4 pool tables pushed together.
Hoshi and Seungkwan ordered takeout for us and I couldn't be more grateful.
"How long?"
"From 8 to 1 or 2. Afterwards we'll have time to go to that amusement park that we saw the last time we were here but didn't get the chance to go."
There's excited cheers and happy small talk about what roller coasters they wanted to ride.
"Woozi-ah you gotta go with us," Jeonghan says loudly.
"Eh, I don't like public places."
That wasn't fully true. I liked them with you.
"Come on it'll be fun," Dino says.
"Maybe. I'll think about it."
"We never get to do anything with all 13 of us free," The8 continues and I know he's trying to guilt trip me.
It's working.
"Okay I'll go just shut up."
More cheers and pats on the back I block all my members out as my eyes focus on the couple across the pool in the deep end. A boy lifting and spinning a girl in his arms as they swim. They exchange kisses and my heart hurts even more, I can't force myself to look away.
Mingyu notices nudges me and asks if I want more rice. This is what every one did to see if I was alright. I could never pass a second serving of white rice.
My stomach was upset from remembering us together. I couldn't eat unless I wanted to throw up but I also knew if I didn't take any that would be a cry for help.
I was fine. I didn't need help.
I nod and he smiles plopping more rice on my plate, I stir it with my chop sticks and to be more convincing I take a small bite.
I jump back into the conversation at the table forcing small smiles and laughs here and there. I can't help but glance at the couple though. I envy their happiness.