Fade in, fade out
The tables have turned
Remain in doubt
It only took two weeks. Gavin died May 2nd. His family asked me to speak at the funeral. I was so heartbroken I didn't even attend. I made a video instead. I put a bunch of clips of Gavin and I and read a speech in the video.
After Gavin's passing I stayed in my room and shared stuff with YouTube. I talked about cancer and sexuality and how you should be you. It was very inspirational if you ask me. Some of my subscribers really appreciated the advice. It felt good. I felt needed.
It didn't take long for the day dreams and nightmares about Gavin to take effect. They were pretty bad. I'd wake up in horrifying screams and wails. I felt like a burden to my family all the time. My doctor said that I needed to let all my pain out but I thought if I did that an entire tsunami of depression would cover the earth.
I became quite YouTube popular. I also read a bunch about depression and anxiety. I didn't really try to live after Gavin.
One day I was rummaging through some drawers to clean. In this one sad drawer set a box with my knifes, blades, and a piece of paper I addressed to my mother.
Dear mother,
I know you can't always be strong for me.
My dearest mother, it is pain and hurt that defines us. A lesson only one can learn from experience, which we both have. Shed blood and torn skin. Burn marks, even bite marks. Secret woes that make us whomever we are.
I added a paragraph and put the box back.
Even through our darkest days we must power through. The pain only makes us human.
_________________________
Sorry it's a short update! Busy couple weeks. Hope it's okay. Love you guys! Byeeeeee.
_Taylor_
YOU ARE READING
Pain Defines Us (Troye Sivan)
Roman pour AdolescentsA young teenage boy has discovered he has a very rare disease. It fills him with pain and uncertainty. He questions what is real. It affects his mind and actions.
