I'm Lost Without You [n.h.]

Part Four

Niall's eyes goggled shockingly. "What do you mean?"

"I know every relationship has its ups and downs, but..." My voice trembled when I continued, "I'm tired... I'm tired because I'm the only one who always fights for this relationship."

Niall released his hands from mine and he got up as he shook his head. "No! No! Please don't ever talk about it!"

"But, Niall..."

"Stop!" He looked upset.

I sighed. "I'm tired, Niall. I'm tired of our relationship."

"Are you breaking up with me?" Niall asked, staring at me as he put his hands on his waist.

I neither talked nor looked at him.

He ruffled his hair angrily. "Why? If there’s something wrong, we can talk about it. Right now."

I couldn't say anything. I cried again.

"I know I can't always be there when you need me. I know we're too busy with our own businesses. I do know it!" he shouted, emphasising his last words. "But I always try to have time for you! I always use my spare times to talk to you!" He was out of breath.

I stared at him.

Niall was calmer now. "I know our relationship is fragile, I do realise it, but-"

"No, Niall..." I sobbed. "I am the one who's fragile..." My tears spilled. "I cry every night because of you! I'm sick of those haters! It really hurts me when I saw a bunch of pictures of you hugging and kissing other girls-"

"But they are my fans!"

I closed my face with my hands. I cried uncontrollably.

"Are you jealous with my fans!?" His voice rose in anger. "I thought you could handle it! I thought you trusted me!"

"I do trust you! I really do!" I yelled.

"So, why?" Niall turned his body around as he ruffled his hair again.

“I’m-”

“Is there someone else?” Niall asked in low voice.

“No! Of course not!” I replied immediately.

He groaned. “I don’t understand you.”

"I'm just...tired.”

He turned to me again. "I never felt tired of loving the girl I really love. Cause you know what? I would do anything for her so she could smile because witness her smiling always remove all my pain when no one else could!"

I froze and my heart beat faster. All of his words, did he say it from the deepest part of his heart? Did he tell the truth? Did he mean it?

"You put zero effort into this relationship! I trust you with my life and I hope you will do the same at some point!" Niall snapped.

"You always left me all alone!” I shouted through my tears. “You've changed! I just miss the old you! The one who was always be there for me!”

Niall groaned, taking big steps to my door. I could see how angry he was from his eyes. "I'm done! I don’t want to be the only one who wants this!"

Then he slammed the door, leaving me cried alone in this cold room.

***

I opened my eyes. I knew my eyes were puffy and my face was wet because of my tears. I narrowed because the sunlight came into my window.

All of a sudden, all of last night memories replayed in my head like a tape. When Niall had come to pick me up. When he had whispered sweet words in my ear. When we had kissed. When we had hugged. When we had laughed. When we had looked at each other. When those girls had come up. When he had hugged them. When we had fought. When we had screamed and shouted at each other. When he had slammed the door. When he had left me alone. When I had cried.

A teardrop fell on my cheek then the others followed. I cried again. But now, everything wouldn't be the same because he would never be here to wipe my tears away and told me everything was going to be alright.

***

I walked out of the lift while carrying my suitcase. I was supposed to watch the concert tonight. But all I needed right now was my home.

I couldn't see Niall anymore. Seeing his cute smile. His beautiful eyes. His amazing hair. His adorable face. It would just hurt me.

I saw Paul in the lobby. He stared at me with a puzzled look. I smiled at him.

"You're leaving?" he asked, confused. "But aren't you going to the concert tonight?"

I laughed. "Yes, I'm going home."

"But, why?"

I just smiled then I gave him a letter. "Do me a favour? Please give this letter to Niall."

"Yes, sure." Paul took the letter from my hand. "But why don't you just give it to him by yourself?" he asked again.

"I'm so sorry, Paul. I can't explain to you, I really have to go," I said as I hugged him. "And thanks for helping me. Bye."

I walked away, leaving Paul alone with his puzzled face.

***

I stood on my door house. I was home.

I knocked on the door. I heard my mum's voice from inside. I saw she smiled as she opened the door. But when as soon as she saw me, her expression changed. Her smile vanished. She looked so confused.

"Sweetheart, why are you here? Shouldn't you at-"

I tried to smile but my mouth contorted into a new batch of sobs. I cried on her shoulder.

Did I make the best decision? Was this the best way for me and him?

***

(to be continued)