Im staring at him again. With a distance. A far distance from him. He's too perfect. He's beyond perfect. Im adoring his features again. His perfect figure face. His cute ears. His frowns. His laughs. The way he smile.
I smiled bitterly. How someone just like me fell for him. When on the first place he can't really love me back. When on the first place. Im just a part of his friends bet. How stupid. I just fell for him. I should hated him. I should hate him because he hurt me so damn much. But I can't. Hindi ko kaya.
Im staring at him for who knows how long. Eto nalang kasi yung pagkakataon ulit na makikita ko siya. Im stucked with that white room. Im not happy.
"Nurse,Jung?" I called my nurse behind me. He looked at me. "Did you send my letter for him?"
Nurse Jung nodded. "Nabigay ko na kanina." Tiningnan niya ako ng malungkot. "Pinunit niya din eh. Binasa niya tapos pinunit niya. Bakit kasi di mo lagyan ng pangalan mo?"
Tiningnan ko ang iisang taong minahal ko sa buong buhay ko. I felt hot fluids running down from my face. "Kahit lagyan ko naman ng pangalan ko.....wala parin siyang pakielam." I closed my eyes. "He doesn't really care. And he won't ever care" I sob.
Bakit ba ang hirap? Bakit ang hirap tanggapin na hindi ka talaga mahal ng taong mahal mo. And now you're stuck. You couldn't find the door to came out. Im broken. And Im dying.
Park Chanyeol is his name. The person I have loved for almost years of my life. The man I want to be with for the rest of my life. He's my everthing.
I like him since we're both in Grade School. He's the school's hearthrob. Many girls like him, even guys. He's stunning. He's really handsome and all. And I can't find any word to describe him. He's just...too perfect.
I became his classmate when were both Grade 9. Im always topping my class. Im the Elementary's school valedictorian. And Im surprised that he's on the pilot section. And I feel great with that.
Chanyeol is really talented. He can play almost all of the instruments. He can compose songs too and can sing. He's just too good in anything. And I really fell for him even more. With his tall height and raspy voice.
Grade 10. We became close. With a reason I don't really know. Im really surprised that he's approaching me. Almost all of my classmates are surprise with his actions towards me. I never thought something like this.
And to be more surprised. After months of being close. Its our moving up. He asked me if he can court me. And I can really say is "Yes". After 6 months of courting, I said my "Yes" to him. And I became his Boyfriend.
Okay kami. Sweet siya. Hes a boyfriend material pero biglang nagbago. Bumalik siya sa dating siya. The "cold one". Yung walang pake sakin. Yung walang pake sa paligid niya. Yung Park Chanyeol na hindi marunong magmahal.
"C-chan...let's talk" I said trembling while holding a box of cookies I baked just for him. I stayed up all night just to caught the right taste. "Please,Chanyeol"
Hinarap niya ako. With his blank face. There's no emotion. I can't read him. "Ano yun?" He coldy answered. Kinabahan ako.
Nasa classroom kami. We're Grade 12. Wala pang masyadong tao dahil maaga pa. May iilan na din kaming classmates.
"Let's talk about us" I said sadly. I hand him the box of kookies. "Here. I baked it for-----" hindi ko pa natatapos ang sasabihin ko nang bigla niyang tabingin yung hawak ko.
Tumapon yung laman. Nasayang lang lahat ng pagod ko. Pero ano nga ba kasing problema?
"C-chan..." my eyes started to heat up. "A-ano bang mali? May nagawa ba a-ako?" my voice cracked
He stared at me emotionless. Some of our classmates are watching us. And all I can do is just to cry. I don't know what's with us.
He smirked at me. "Do you really think that I will love you too?" He said smirking at shaking his head. "Do you really think that I will waste my time for you if there's no exchange?"
Mas lalong tumulo luha ko. I harshly wiped my tears.
"Y-you're j-just kidding r-right?" I sobbed.
"Akala ko ba matalino ka?" Tanong niya at ngumisi. "You're just part of a bet, Byun Idiot Baekhyun"
And then he left.
Napangiti ako ng mapait. Tuwing naalala ko ang mga panahon na yun. All I can do is to pretend that Im not hurt.
I looked at Chanyeol. He's now 4th year college. And all painful waves of memories keep chasing me. Its been 3 years. Pero masakit parin.
"its time to, Baek" Nurse Jung told me. With one last stare, i whispered my I love You with him.
Tinulak ni Nurse Jung yung wheel chair ko. Babalik na kami ng hospital. Im suffering with my heart cancer. That's why Im wearing mask. Hindi na rin ako makapaglakad ng okay dahil nanghihina na ako. Tinaningan na din ako ng doctor. I should rest and stay at the hospital pero lagi kong kinukulit ang mga doktor na sana once a week makapunta ako sa university no Chanyeol. Gusto ko lang talaga siya makita.
Papaalis na dapat kami ng gate ng school. Wala namang makapansin samin dahil may klase na halos lahat. Saka iniingatan ng nurse ko at ng guard na may makakita sakin.
"B-baekhyun?"
My eyes went wide. This can't be.
