~Iplier/Septiceye Oneshots~

~Day Out With Wilford~ (Wilford Warfstache X Teen! Reader)

Authors Note: I just want to make this clear, this is a platonic relationship. If you see 'Teen! Reader' or 'Child! Reader' It's always going to be platonic because I'm not about that life. Here's another one-shot book that I don't know what to do with. I have so many ideas that I need to get out of my head, so here you go. 

Warning: Cursing(?)

Anyway, please enjoy~

~~~~~Y/n P.O.V.~~~~~

Schools the worst. All the homework we receive, being forced to socialize, getting yelled at by teachers, and having to be responsible for all our duties. One of them is bringing a lunch or at least some money for the vending machine. Unfortunately for me, I didn't bring either. I guess I could just ask a friend for something but I don't want to be a burden. I could just use it as a study hall then. 

I huffed as I stuck my hands in my pockets. Weaving through the crowds of people to get to the cafeteria, I spot a familiar pink haired entity. Why is he here? I thought I told all of the egos to never come to my school unless necessary. I sigh as I start walking over to Wilford. He looked completely lost. Like he was in a jungle surrounded by animals. Actually, that's a pretty good description of high school. 

"Y/n! Fancy meeting you here!" Wilford ran over and gave me a huge hug. I saw over his shoulder that everyone passing by was giving us a weird look, but that didn't bother Wil one bit. He let go and gave me a big smile under his pink mustache. "I thought I told you-" "Yea yea yea I know, but you forgot your lunch on the kitchen counter. Wil pulled a brown paper bag from behind his back. I took hold of the bag and felt something wet on my hands. "Uh Wil, why is it leaking?" I open it and find...

"WHY IS THEIR A LUNG IN A BAG?!" I shove the bag back at Wilford so I don't have to hold the liquid drenched bag. He grabbed it out of my hand and took a peek inside. "Woops. I grabbed the wrong back. I think this is Dr. Iplier's." Wil tapped his chin as he tries to decipher why it was on the counter. Of course, this type of stuff doesn't phase him. On the other hand,  I am mortified that I just touched human essence. I just stare at my hands as the liquid lingers on my palms. Wil snatched the handkerchief out of his pocket and handed it to me. I quickly grab it from his hand and start drying my own hands off. 

"Well, looks like I'm skipping lunch." I sighed as I handed the handkerchief back to Wil. Will gasps and covers his heart with his hand like I just offended him. "Nonsense! I will take you out to eat like a gentleman!" Wilford grabs my arm and practically drags me to the school's exit. There is no way I could stop Wil from pulling me out of school. Plus, I don't want him to stop. My worst subject was after lunch. 

"At least let me sign out so it doesn't seem like I'm skipping." I walked over to the school's office and signed some papers to get out of the jail. I walk back to the mustached man as he rocked on his heels in boredom. "Just, don't tell Dark I'm practically ditching school." "Wasn't planning on it gumdrop." Wil gave me a side smile as we walked down the street to a nearby restaurant. "So, what goes on when I'm not home?" I bluntly ask, trying to make conversation. "Well, after you leave for school, we have our meeting" I shake my head, telling him to go on. "Everyone want's to kill each other a little more when you leave." I laugh at his honesty. "I'm a little surprised no one already has." We both laugh until we stop at a little restaurant with an outside seating area. Wil pulled out one of the chairs for me to sit. I swung my bookbag off of my back and set it next to the chair. "What a gentleman." I rolled my eyes as I took a seat across from Wil. 

A waiter/waitress came over at our table and handed us our menus. "What would you two like to drink." The waiter/waitress asked as they gave me a wink. I fumbled with my menu from the sudden flirty mood. "I- uh- I'll have a f/d" I gave a nervous laugh as I try to avoid eye contact. Wilford gave a stern look and ordered what he wanted. The waiter/waitress smirked and walked away with our orders. "I'm going to un-alive them." I look over at Wil and see his hand holding a knife. "You better put that thing away! Where in public!" I whispered/yelled at him. He only sighed and stuck the weapon back into his pocket. "Just to be clear, you're not allowed to date until Dark is dead," Wil stated, fixing his pink bowtie. "But he's immortal." "Exactly!" A bright smile was plastered on the pink haired man. "Who are you, my dad" I joked. "Well, all of your caretakers are male, so to answer your question, I guess I am." He gave a proud smile. 

Having so many people take care of me kinda reminds me of Steven Univers, except Steven actually knows at least one of his biological parents. I guess all of the septiceye's and iplier egos are like your dad's without the romantic parts.

The waiter/waitress came back with our drinks and asked us what we wanted to eat. As Wil was ordering, the waiter/waitress kept glancing at me. It was pretty uncomfortable actually. 

As they took our order off to the kitchen, Wilford looked at me with a stern expression. "If they do anything funny-" "Calm your straps their Wil" I sigh at his dad like antics. "I think I can take care of myself. After all, I didn't learn how to use a gun for nothing." I gave him a smirk. Wilford's eyes lit up with a proud expression. "That's my girl/boy/other!" I let out a chuckle. I did learn from the best after all. 

"Here's your food." The waiter/waitress smiled as they handed each of us our food. "Thank god. I'm so hungry!" I said as I took a bite of my food. "Hi hungry, I'm dad." I slowly look at the man sitting across from and gave out a disappointing sigh. "So it begins," I mumbled to myself. 

I took a few more bits out of my meal until I saw a piece of paper underneath all of it. 

Call me ###-###-####

"I'm just gonna put that here" I placed the piece of paper under my plate pretending they never put it there. Before I placed my plate back to its original spot, Wilford snatched the paper off the table. His eyes narrowed as he read what was written. He crumpled the paper in one hand annd threw it in the nearest garbage. 

"How have your meals been so far?" The waiter/waitress asked, leaning on my side of the table. This set Wil off the charts angry and annoyed. He abruptly stood up from his chain and grabbed him/her by the color of their uniform. "You know, It's not smart to flirt with my daughter/son/other in front of their father." Wil spat at the poor waiter/waitress. "I think you're taking this father thing a little to serious." I patted Wil on the back as he let go of the waiter/waitress. "I think we're done here. Grab your bag, where leaving." I swiftly picked up my back and started walking beside Wilford. 

Where probably never going there again.

~~~~~Bonus~~~~~

"You forgot your wallet, didn't you"

"You know it!"