Starts With Goodbye (18+ MATURE)

Chapter 2: "I'm Not Wired for that Forgive-Forget Scheme."

Chapter 2: "I Am Not Wired for that Forgive-Forget Scheme."

Hannah's POV

 

Forgiveness is what you can give to people who sinned against you. It is the greatest and priceless gift you can give to someone who wronged and hurt you. They say, forgive and forget. Well, people can forgive but they should not forget. However, as for my case, forgiving and forgetting were the hardest to do. I am having a hard time forgiving my father, forgetting the pain and betrayal he did to us seventeen years ago.

He was the primary reason why I detest men. Sizing them up, putting a huge distance between me and the men who tried wooing me or befriending me. No one can blame me, my good for nothing father did that to me. He ruined it for me. Having a hard time trusting people especially men wasn't overrated as others put it. Of course trusting was a difficult thing.

 It requires you to accept the fate--it will either make or break you. And I don't have the slightest idea if it made or broke me. I could tell that it made me in the aspect of success in my chosen career and path of life.

On the other hand, I have to admit that it broke me regarding my trust issues and failing relationships with the opposite sex. Or maybe I'm in between. And that's the thing that bothered me the most. Being in-between was terrifying. What if I stepped back and found myself out of balance? Where will that leave me?

"Mama, do I really have to do this? God. I am not wired for that forgive-forget scheme. And for seventeen years, we made it without his fucking money." From too much frustration and anger, I forgot my manners.

 I never cuss. Never in my life that I used expletives even when I'm upset or angry because that's what my Mama taught me. Mama raised me on her own in New York. We flew there as soon as Papa chose his mistress and their son over us. She never took the betrayal easily.

Well, who would? Given the situation that your husband was cheating on you for years and then when asked to choose, he chose his other family--the illegitimate ones. My fingers dugged at my palms with those thoughts.

"Hannah Antonette Alvarez!" Mama's voice increased tenfold. Okay, I'm doomed.

And I prepared myself for the sermon-slash-wrath of my mother.

"I never raised you to talk like that, Hannah. You should know better. For twenty three years, I taught you to be a good individual and it just took you twenty four hours to bend your morals?" I rolled my eyes at that.

Jeez. She's exaggerating. I just said the word 'fucking'. What's the fuss about that anyway? It was just a word. A freaking statement.

"Don't roll your eyes on me, Hannah. And don't cuss again or else I'll send you home right at this instant." She threatened but I wasn't fazed.

In fact, my face immediately lit up with excitement as she mentioned 'home'. I really wanted to go home, be with her. Maybe I'll cuss more so she'll pull me out of this forsaken country I never wanted to set foot again. Don't get me wrong, Philippines was my birth country, and I love it here.

However, it brings back painful memories and experiences I never intended to remember again. If it hadn't been for my father's infidelity, I would've loved living here for the rest of my life. But I can't.

"Mama, that's a good idea. I should cuss more so you could send me home right now. I don't want to be here. And you know that. So please, fucking please, take me back." I plead and almost cried.

Maybe I miss my Mama. This was the first time that I've been away from her, as in thousand miles away from her. Every summer, we would travel together and do mother-daughter stuff. How I miss those times. If it hadn't been for my father's lawyer, I wouldn't be here. Attorney Cervantes called me to claim my share from my father's will.